Author: samantha

The Dementia Diaries – Chapter Fourteen Things Seem Hopeless

On By samanthaIn THE DEMENTIA DIARIESLeave a comment

It’s a beautiful sunny Sunday in early March and I really should be in the garden doing some tidying up but my morning visit to my parents has drained me of energy . Mum is becoming more and more obstinate, she says no to anything that could help her. She does not have the capacity to reason anymore so there is no discussion, it’s her way or the highway. If Dad or I try to insist then there will be a tantrum. Even at eighty-nine, Mum can be quite intimidating. It has got to the point where I walk up their garden path with a sense of trepidation and anxiety.

This morning it was apparent that Mum was in desperate need of a hairwash. I always do it over the kitchen sink, it takes ten minutes, if that. Mum’s forehead, and behind her ears are covered in orange, waxy scales. Mum says no way is she having her hair washed and that I should mind my own business and go home. Dad tries to reason with her but she refuses to move out of the chair. Eventually I manage to persuade her over to the sink and very gently clean her scalp and face but afterwards she sits pretending to cry which makes me feel terrible. She pretends to cry on every visit now, it’s an unwelcome new development. She tells my lovely dad is is a horrible husband and that I should go home and not come back. In my last Dementia Diaries post I was optimistic about Dad accepting some professional help but here we are, still muddling along by ourselves. I have filled out a Social Services form online requesting an assessment but have heard nothing back.

The Occupational Therapist has delivered a shiny new walking frame to my parents’ house. It must have cost hundreds of pounds. It has brakes and a little shopping basket attached. It can also be used as a seat. Mum just spends her days sitting in the armchair now but, in the past, has always enjoyed getting out. She should be able to manage a very short walk and it will do her good to get the blood circulating, particularly in her perpetually swollen legs. I suggest that we go out for a little walk around their pretty cul-de-sac. Again I am met with refusal “I am not using that” she says. End of conversation. I try to press the matter but she pretends to go to sleep. I see her peering out of one eye to see if I’m still there, if it weren’t so infuriating it would almost be sit-com worthy. So it will be another day where my Dad won’t see anyone. The walking frame is now in their utility room, tea towels draped over it, what a waste of resources.

This week I was upset to read about the tragic deaths of actor Gene Hackman and his wife, Betsy Arakawa. Betsy, aged sixty five, was carer to Hackman who was ninety five and had advanced Alzheimer’s disease. Betsy had died from an infection associated with rodents and Hackman died of natural causes a week later. As is always the case now, the internet was immediately awash with conspiracy theories about the “mysterious” deaths. There was actually nothing mysterious as all, just desperately sad. It would seem that Hackman possibly did not comprehend that his wife was dead and was alone in their house for a week afterwards until he passed away himself. Even if he had understood he probably did not have the cognitive ability to summon help. I am surprised this scenario doesn’t play out more often, or perhaps it does but we only hear about it when it affects famous people. If my dad died my mum wouldn’t be able to use the phone and she would probably forget what had happened within a couple of minutes. She would not be able to prepare even the simplest meal for herself. I check in with my parents every day and, if they don’t answer the phone, I drive to their house. Fortunately they live very close to me. My dad has an emergency alert pendant, he has had one heart attack. God forbid he has another then I hope he could press the button and get help. My mum certainly couldn’t dial 999 now.

There was a lot of judgement about Gene Hackman and Betsy Arakawa’s deaths. Where were their three adult children, why didn’t they have a housekeeper, caregivers etc. The fact is some people become very reclusive when they grow older and refuse to accept any help from outsiders, even family. They don’t want to admit the full extent of what is going on, they tell themselves they can cope. In the Hackman family’s case, they probably didn’t expect a sixty five year old woman to suddenly pass away. Not every family is close but somebody needs to take responsibility for checking in every day.

So, an unsuccessful and upsetting visit to my parents house. I am hoping that social services will respond to my request for an assessment and that they will insist on someone coming in regularly to wash Mum. Someone who is used to dealing with refusal , tears and tantrums. On my walk home I bump into their lovely, sprightly neighbour whose husband went into a care home with Alzheimer’s a year or so ago. He is very happy there apparently and his ninety year old wife looks so much better for having passed the burden onto the professionals. She told me she wasn’t getting more than three hours sleep a night before and that she had lost two stone which she is now slowly regaining. I hope my dad will consider care for my mum if she gets any worse because we can’t struggle on like this.

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Cover Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

Film Review – Bridget Jones – Mad About The Boy

On By samanthaIn GOING OUTLeave a comment

This review does contain some spoilers. Comedies aren’t really my favourite genre but it’s been a long winter and who doesn’t need a little cheering up at this time of year? I have seen the other films in the Bridget Jones franchise so it seemed a pity not to see how Bridget’s story ends in Mad About the Boy – directed by Michael Morris . It has been nine years since Bridget Jones had her baby and a catch-up is long overdue. My friend booked us tickets to go and see it at The Stag Theatre and Cinema in Sevenoaks. I have never seen the cinema so full, there was not an empty seat in the house and almost all of the film goers were women.

The film opens and we immediately learn that Bridget’s life hasn’t been all sunshine and roses, Mark, her husband was killed on a humanitarian mission to Sudan four years earler. She finds herself alone, in her Hampstead house, with her two young children, Billy and Mabel. The house itself would probably cost about five million pounds, I know because I looked on the website of the posh estate agent that I used to work for. If you don’t fancy a trip to London after watching the film I will be very surprised, there are no pickpockets or phone snatchers to be seen, just the most picturesque locations. Bridget goes on a date in Borough Market, I was there recently and it was horribly crowded but it’s conveniently empty for our heroine. Bridget is, of course, played by Rene Zellweger. Mark Darcy does still make appearances throughout if you are concerned about the lack of Colin Firth. I saw an interview where Hugh Grant said that there really wasn’t any logical place for his character, Bridget’s former love interest Daniel Cleaver, in this film but the writers found a way to include him when Bridget rushes to his side after he has a health scare. Grant really is a scene stealer and the film wouldn’t have been the same without him.

Bridget has been on her own for four years and her friends create an embarrassing Tinder profile for her. She is finally going back out into the world. Of course Hollywood can’t let people be single, even if they seem perfectly happy that way. Any single person must surely be feeling unfulfilled and therefore coaxed back into the dating world. Bridget returns to her previous job as a TV producer and hires an annoyingly perfect, but actually lovely nanny, Chloe played by Nico Parker. The film features a whole host of famous actors, Isla Fisher (who looks just like Moaning Myrtle in Harry Potter), Hugh Grant, Sally Phillips and Emma Thomson to name a few.

Bridget takes Mabel and Billy to Hampstead Heath where there’s an unfortunate tree-climbing incident. Although not really so unfortunate as she find two handsome men offering to help, Roxter, played by Leo Woodall and Mr Wallaker, the new science teacher at the children’s’ prep school, played by Chiwetel Ejiofor. Roxter is just twenty nine and Bridget is supposed to be around fifty. He thinks she is thirty five and she says yes, lets go with that. They have a fun romance but the age difference looms large. Mr Wallaker seems to appear, as if by magic, at the most embarrassing moments but he is clearly a caring soul. After pretending to be outdoorsy, Bridget accompanies him on the school expedition to the Lake District, another win for the English Tourist Board.

The school scenes did bring back some memories, the one mum who has to get a dig in about how you’re not quite as perfect as she is. The superior mother in this film has twins Atticus and Eros. She is organising hampers for the school raffle and Bridget fishes a half eaten pot of hummus out of her Mulberry bag as her contribution, we’ve all been there! There is a very touching scene at the end when Billy is singing and it really brought home the fact that I won’t have any more school concerts to attend for my own children.

Bridget’s wardrobe is pretty typical of private school mums. She has a Mulberry Bayswater bag which I am sure featured in another one of the films, cashmere cardigans, ankle boots, mini -but-not-too-mini skirts and dungarees. Personally I don’t think anyone over the age of five should be wearing dungarees unless they’re a painter and decorator. She also has a pair of straight Levi jeans which she wears for her visit to Hampstead Heath. For her dates she has pretty tea dresses, a denim jacket and an Anna Hindmarch woven bag. You could pretty much replicate her entire wardrobe with a quick order from White Stuff and Boden. Crew Clothing have this pretty teal cord mini-skirt which is a near match for Bridget’s. One thing Bridget doesn’t appear to be acquainted with is a hairbrush for some reason and she looks fairly dishevelled most of the time.

I doubt author Helen Fielding realised what a success her scatter-brained creation would be when she wrote her column in The Independent in 1995. The first book was published in 1996. Bridget Jones – Mad About the Boy is great fun, beautifully shot and very moving. Not so many laughs as the earlier films and Bridget isn’t quite so hapless which is probably just as well seeing as she is in charge of two small children. One girl sitting behind us left the cinema sobbing – you have been warned!

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Cover Photo by Myke Simon on Unsplash

Film Review – Babygirl

On By samanthaIn GOING OUTLeave a comment

This review does contain some spoilers. I went to see Babygirl at The Stag Theatre and Cinema in Sevenoaks. My daughter had already seen it and said “Mum, I can’t imagine it will be your cup of tea at all”. I went with a friend whose daughter said the film is porn, “it’s not porn” I said, “as if Nicole Kidman would appear in porn”. Well my friend’s daughter was right, it really is soft porn. The film, directed by Halina Reijn, stars Nicole Kidman as Romy, a fifty something CEO of a robotics company. Romy is married to Jacob, played by Antonio Banderas, they have two daughters. Nora, who is still a little girl and Isabel who is a teenager and in a lesbian relationship. Isabel, played by Esther McGregor, was my favourite character in the film, she was insightful and compassionate. They all live in a fabulous apartment but also have a mansion in the country for weekends and holidays.

The film opens with a filmed upside-down sex scene between Romy and Jacob. As soon as they have finished Romy scurries away from the marital bed, furtively opens her laptop computer and writhes on the carpet whilst masturbating to porn. It transpires that she has been faking it with Jacob for their entire marriage. That pretty much sets the tone of the film.

We learn that Romy is super-stressed with an upcoming deal at work. She rushes off to work leaving Jacob, a theatre director, in charge of the children’s schedules On the way to the office she encounters a dog attacking a fellow pedestrian. Terrified she retreats but the dog lunges towards her. Suddenly, a young man appears and instantly calms the dog. Romy continues into the office where her PA asks if she would like to meet this year’s crop of interns. The interns are ushered into Romy’s office and, surprise, surprise, one of them is the young man, Samuel, played by Harris Dickinson. He immediately asks an insolent question about the ethics of the business and the PA brings the introductions to a hasty close. It is clear that Samuel is confident and very bold. There is a mentoring scheme in place for the interns and Samuel informs Romy that he has chosen her for his mentor. Unaware that she was even on the list she tries to make excuses but a ten minute meeting is scheduled and this is when things begin to get… heated.

Samuel is thirty years younger than Romy but oozes self-assurance. She may be the boss at work but definitely not in the bedroom. He makes it clear that she must do what he tells her. This is where things get a little silly . Romy finds herself on all fours lapping at a saucer of milk. She is sent to stand in the corner like a naughty child. Romy attends a rave dressed in an amber silk pussy-bow blouse and immediately young girls start pawing at her, the blouse comes off. She finds Samuel in the heaving crowd with no trouble and does not seem in the least bit perturbed about being the oldest person in the room by three decades. In real life people would have been wondering whose mum had turned up to take them home.

Although the relationship is entirely consensual there is, of course, a power imbalance and if Romy thinks she can just walk away from the relationship when she chooses she is sorely mistaken. Everyone at her company seems to be capable of blackmail and she is terrified of losing her position and her family. She immerses herself in her affair but it is safe to say that there isn’t a happy ending for Samuel and Romy. However, she finally finds herself able to open up to Jacob about her desires. Disgusted and embarrassed, he tells her to get out of their home. She simply goes to their other spectacular home, the outside of which is all lit up by fairly lights as if it had been expecting her.

Romy has the same uptight air that Kidman’s characters always seem to have. She reminds me somewhat of Julie Andrews playing Mary Poppins, I think it is her toes turned out walk. She struts through the city streets in a wardrobe that could have been borrowed from any of the films/tv productions I have seen her in recently. Kidman is of course still exceptionally beautiful but in one scene Samuel describes Romy as not being girlfriend material because she looks like a mother. Of course men have relationships with women decades younger than them all the time and nobody really bats an eyelid except to predictably suggest it is transactional on the woman’s part.

There were only six of us in the cinema and most people let at an embarrassed laugh at one point or other. I was slightly surprised that Kidman, a huge star, signed up for something so explicit. Babygirl is provocative, raunchy and fairly entertaining but my daughter was right, it wasn’t really my cup of tea.

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Cover Photo by Myke Simon on Unsplash

My Daughter’s 21st Birthday – We visit The London Dungeon

On By samanthaIn GOING OUTLeave a comment

My daughter had been debating what to do for her 21st birthday. We had already been to see the Mean Girls Musical a couple of weeks beforehand. She had been planning on going back to university but many of her friends were on work placement or studying for their exams. In the end she decided to stay at home and celebrate with her friends after their exams were finished. She still didn’t seem very enthusiastic about doing anything in particular, we debated going to Madame Tussauds or The Natural History Museum but on the end decided on The London Dungeon. I booked tickets on the day which were £35 each. We had been a couple of times before, about a decade ago so we knew what to expect.

We travelled to Waterloo East and then it is a five minute walk to the dungeon which overlooks the river, you can’t really miss it. The nearest Tube is Waterloo. There weren’t many visitors to The Dungeon at 11am on a Wednesday morning, there seemed to be more staff than guests but we were greeted enthusiastically by staff wearing various medieval costumes, a silent monk was particularly creepy. There are plenty of photo opportunities in the entrance but after that point you have to turn your phone off. The staff do corner you to take some “official” photos, pictures of you in the stocks or about to have your head lopped off with an axe and you can view and purchase these photos before leaving. The Dungeons are manned by actors, all very young, who take visitors on a tour of some of the horrors of London. It had changed somewhat since my last visit and I was disappointed to see the boat ride had been removed, that was my favourite part. A room dedicated to the witch trials had been added and this was probably the most frightening spectacle. I had previously taken my children and some friends for their tenth birthdays but I think the witch performance would be too scary for many ten year olds.

The first character we met was a court jester who dramatically told us a little bit about what to expect and then we were taken into a pitch back lift called The Descent and the tour began. We found ourselves in a courtroom where a batty judge sat in session. One of the other visitors was placed in the dock and some silly charges ready out, it was all very funny. A long list of crimes punishable by death in 1622 was displayed on the wall, pickpocketing and animal theft included. We are then led to a medieval torture chamber, again a guest or two are singled out to participate but it is all very light-hearted.

The actress playing Mrs Lovett in the Sweeney Todd section was absolutely superb and seemed to be thoroughly enjoying herself. She stood behind a counter ladened with dubious looking meat pies. Guests are then escorted into a room full of barbers chairs and asked to sit down. It is enough to make your scalp crawl. There is a strong comedic element to some of the exhibits, particularly the courtroom and the pie shop. Others are strictly horror inducing such as the section on Jack the Ripper and the Witches. Be prepared to find yourself in pitch black rooms at various points during the tour, not knowing who or what is going to appear right in front of you. There are also a lot of strobe lighting effects.

The London Dungeons are genuinley quite educational in places, especially the plague section and guests stop here, sit down and are treated to an autopsy of a plague victim. Prepare to be splattered by the totally incompetent physician!

There is a confusing mirror maze and then the guests find themselves in a Whitechapel set where we meet a lady of the night, terrified that she will be The Ripper’s next victim, we then going into a pub for another genuinely terrifying spectacle. Now I come to think about it, I do remember many squeals in this part when I visited a decade ago with a gaggle of ten year old girls. Maybe not the obvious choice of venue but they did all have a fantastic time.

After making the rounds of all the exhibits the dungeons predictably ends in a small gift shop where you can buy the usual stuff, key rings, pencils and T shirts etc. There is also a bar before the exit where you can rest before heading back out into 2025.

I think The London Dungeon is brilliant fun and a great way to spend a couple of hours in London. It’s probably suitable for most children of twelve and older. The London Eye is right outside and you can buy a multi-ticket including the Dungeon, The London Eye and Madame Tussauds and make a real day of it.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

The Dementia Diaries – Chapter Thirteen Finally Accepting Help

On By samanthaIn THE DEMENTIA DIARIESLeave a comment

Mum’s health seems to plateau for six months or so and then, suddenly, something that she has been managing becomes impossible for her. About six months ago she stopped being able to get into the bath. My parents shower is over the bath so that is impossible too. I didn’t know that this was an issue, my dad didn’t volunteer the information but it became very apparent that Mum was not as clean as she should be. A few years ago the Occupational Therapist visited and installed handrails all over the house, including the bathroom but, even so, Mum can’t now climb over the side of the bath. Like many elderly people, she suffers from urinary incontinence and, although the washing machine is always on, Mum herself isn’t washing the parts of her body that really need cleaning. Incontinence pants such as Tena Lady are very expensive, they aren’t available on the NHS but the district nurse did bring some pads round. They are so cheap looking that they don’t even come with an adhesive strip and I don’t think Mum has the dexterity to use them correctly. We ordered some incontinence pants from Amazon but I’m not convinced Mum will use them, in fact I am sure she won’t.

I don’t come from a very open family and definitely would not feel comfortable giving Mum an intimate wash and neither would Dad. I bought some Water Wipes for her to use but the pack remains, unopened, in the bathroom and they wouldn’t be a long term solution anyway. I have been trying to persuade Dad to engage a carer but he just wouldn’t agree. He has a gardener come a few times a year and Mum constantly tells her to go home and she also constantly tells me when I visit “go home, your husband will be wondering where you are”. I know that Dad is worried about her being difficult with having a stranger come into the house and helping her but we are out of options. I tell Dad that if I were in Mum’s position I would want my family to ensure I was kept clean and we are letting her down by not doing so just because we are afraid of a tantrum. Finally he rings Social Services, we had been waiting for a referral from the psychiatrist who diagnosed Alzheimer’s but that never materialised, and they pay my parents a visit.

Annoyingly I couldn’t be there when Social Services arrived because I was working but they assessed my parents needs and put them in touch with Crossroads., a charity that supports unpaid carers. The very next day a woman from Crossroads visited my parents and spoke to them about any benefits they are entitled to such as Carers Allowance and filled out the form for a council tax exemption. Two days after that Dad had to go for an Xray as he hurt his shoulder . I was unable to get time off from work at such short notice. Dad arranged hospital transport and a volunteer from Crossroads offers to sit with Mum. Dad’s appointment was at 3pm but he still hadn’t been seen at 4.45pm and the carer rang him to say she had to leave. Fortunately I had finished work and didn’t have to collect my son as I usually do at that time so I rushed around to their house. Then Dad rang to say that hospital transport had forgotten him! The nurse told him he should have booked a morning appointment if he wanted to use that service. Poor Dad it had all been arranged that morning, the transport coordinator was well aware of his appointment time, not the most confidence inspiring start to accepting other people’s help. In the end he called a taxi. An expensive solution.

When I arrived at my parent’s house Mum told me to leave before I had even taken my coat off. I asked the volunteer how things had gone but she understandably rushed off without saying much. I made Mum a cup of tea and Dad was home about an hour later. So we learned that we have to book a carer/volunteer for much longer than is necessary in the case of hospital appointments and that hospital transport can’t be relied on.

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Cover Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

Tackling Insomnia – Part One

On By samanthaIn HEALTH6 Comments

Happy New Year!

This week I have really battled with insomnia. I tend to go to bed around 10.30pm and am usually asleep by 11pm but have been waking about at around 3am and finding it almost impossible to fall back to sleep. If I do manage to nod back off, I am plagued by the most terrible nightmares, possibly caused by the Propranolol that I take for migraine prevention. The sort of nightmares that stay with you all day. Menopause apparently is also a major culprit when it comes to low quality sleep.

Last night I woke with a migraine after sleeping for four hours and got out of bed to take a Sumitriptan tablet. That was it for the night then, I just lay there trying not to disturb my husband. We have a burglar alarm and, although I know you are suppose to get out of bed and not just lie there trying to sleep, I didn’t want to venture downstairs and risk the beeping waking the rest of my family. Fortunately today is a Saturday and I am not working and I don’t have to drive anywhere because I feel shattered.

My daughter bought me a rather lovely silk sleep mask from Millie & Boo for Christmas. The mask has wonderful reviews with people stating that using it radically improved the quality of their sleep. The mask, which is well made, super soft and a pretty silver grey, arrived beautifully boxed. It fastens with velcro and I have been careful not to secure it too tightly nonetheless I think the slight pressure across the top of my face has contributed to my migraine. Maybe not the solution I have been searching for.

My GP was optimistic that the Utrogestan capsules that I take before bed as part of my HRT routine would help, and for a few months they did, but my insomnia is now back with a vengeance. Once it gets to around 3am I am wide awake and unable to stop the racing thoughts that flood my mind. I start to worry about…well everything. A mistake I made at work in 1989, something daft I said at a coffee morning in 1999, I’m stressing about it at 3am in 2025. Apparently we experience a Cortisol (known as the stress hormone) spike at around this time and this is why early morning waking is so common. I note that my fists are often clenched and I have slept with a sheet over my face since I was a little girl and was frightened of ghosts whispering to me. Both of these things are apparently signs of high stress levels. It has become increasingly clear that one of the first things I need to tackle in 2025 is my insomnia as it is going to start affecting my long term health. In particular, in light of my mum’s Alzheimer’s disease, I am keen to regularly achieve a good night’s sleep to help prevent cognitive decline.

This week I am not going to watch television on my computer before bed which is a habit I have fallen into. I am going to sit in bed and read an actual book, nothing dark or frightening. I do read three or four books a month but it used to be around double that before I discovered the endless entertainment on Netflix . I am also going to try to do some sort of pre-sleep meditation to relax my body, particularly my hands and jaw which is where I seem to store most of my stress and tension. I shall report back.

Wish me luck.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

Mean Girls – The Musical, a Review

On By samanthaIn GOING OUTLeave a comment

My daughter’s twenty first birthday is fast approaching but she will be at university, taking exams. I thought it would be nice to take her out for lunch in Covent Garden and then on to see a show. I looked at what was on and decided to book tickets for Mean Girls which has recently opened at The Savoy Theatre on The Strand. I paid around £200 for two tickets for a 2.30pm Saturday matinee perfomance.

From the town where we live to Charing Cross is around a half hour train ride and then we walked to Covent Carden and had a look around the East Collanade Market which has dozens of stalls selling handmade items, similar to the sort of thing you might find on Etsy. We stopped off for lunch at a pizza place and then went on to the theatre.

The Savoy Theatre is covered in scaffolding at the moment but there is a big banner outside so it was easy to find. In the lobby there is a stand selling some merchandise such as “I’m a Massive deal” tote bags for £20 and “On Wednesdays We Wear Pink” T shirts , also £20. I have only seen the Lindsey Lohan movie once and wasn’t aware that there has been another film made in 2024 so the catch phrases didn’t mean much to me. There were lots of little girls in the lobby dressed in boucle mini dresses (the Mean Girl uniform) which was surprising to me, I thought the target audience would be much older than six or seven years old.

Although the tickets stated that audience members should arrive by 2pm the theatre was very slow to fill. We had terrific seats but, annoyingly, a huge man sat right in front of me blocking my view so I had to spend the entire performance peering around him. While we waited, the backdrop was back-lit pages of the “burn book” featued in the story which wasn’t very inspiring to sit and look at. Then the show started and we are introduced to the characters of Damian and Janice, the school’s arty, gay outcasts. Damian has a crush on George Michael and this is a running theme in the set design.

If you haven’t seen the film, written by comedy genius Tina Fey, the story revolves around the character of Kady Heron, played by Charlie Burn. Kady has has recently moved to Illonois from Kenya and High School with its different cliques is rather a revelation to her. The school Queen Bee is Regina George, played by Georgina Castle, who presides over The Plastics, a clique of pretty, popular, shallow and insecure “mean girls” who are all desperate to be Regina’s best friend. The most memorable moment of the show was Regina’s majestic entrance onto the stage. Despite being a maths wizard, Kady finds herself damping down her academic ability and morphing into a Plastic herself and decides to topple Queen Regina when they clash over a boy, Aaron.

To be honest the whole production felt slightly amateurish, particularly the dancing, and some of the singing was a little screechy, even from the leads. Georgina Castle, Elena Gyasi (Gretchen) and Grace Mouat (Karen) were the stars of the show and Tom Xander provided the well-timed comic relief. The songs were fun to listen to but, in my opinion not very memorable apart from Karen’s solo “Sexy”. There was one instance were Janice hopped into a scene to clarify what was going on which was irritating and unnecessary. The cast seemed very joyful and genuinely delighted to be there which is always contagious and it is definitely a feel-good production. I enjoyed Mean Girls and so did my daughter, it isn’t a show that I would go and see again but we left the theatre feeling uplifted and entertained.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

The Substance – A Film Starring Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley

On By samanthaIn GOING OUT3 Comments

This review does contain spoilers. The Substance, directed by Coralie Fargeat truly is a bonkers movie. I can’t really think of a more eloquent word to describe it. Bonkers, horrific and, in places, very funny. I haven’t see Demi Moore in a film for over thirty years when she appeared in some of the iconic movies of that era such as Ghost and Indecent Proposal . Margaret Qualley (who is the daughter of Andie McDowell) starred in the fantastic Netflix miniseries about domestic violence and poverty in America, Maid, based on the book of the same name by Stephanie Land. I heard Moore speaking on BBC Radio Four’s Women’s Hour about her role as Elisabeth Sparkle in The Substance. She was so engaging during the interview, several listeners rang in with questions and she seemed genuinely delighted to hear from them and provided thoughtful and comprehensive answers. I asked a friend if she’d like to see the film at the cinema but, annoyingly, it wasn’t showing locally so I ended up watching on Amazon Prime with a Mubi subscription.

The Substance is a commentary on aging in Hollywood. More specifically, women aging in Hollywood. Elisabeth Sparkle is a TV fitness star, she has a show where she works out, Jane Fonda style, with a team of back up dancers. On her fiftieth birthday Elisabeth, all swishy dark hair and blingy sunglasses, meets Harvey, the oily big boss at the TV network for lunch. Harvey is brilliantly played by Dennis Quaid. Harvey sits in front of Elisabeth eating a dish of shrimp in the most stomach-churning manner and explains to her that she is all washed up. He says it “stops” at fifty for women. Elisabeth asks what stops but Harvey just moves onto schmoozing with somebody more important than her. Harvey himself is as old, if not older, than Elizabeth but of course the washed-up rules don’t apply to him and his cohort of white, old men that also run the network. Elisabeth is so upset by the lunch that she crashes her car on the way home and ends up in the Emergency Room where she meets a dashing young doctor who slips a note into her pocket. This is Elisabeth’s invitation to try The Substance, a black market drug that promises a person can become the best version of themselves using some sort of cell replication process.

Now, I had no idea what to expect when I sat down to watch and it did come as something as a surprise to find that this is actually a horror film with some very graphic scenes. Elisabeth receives a list of instructions for using The Substance and one of these is Remember, you are one. Elisabeth injects herself and then the viewer is treated to her eyeballs multiplying and her back splitting open and another human being steps out of the gaping wound in the shape of Margaret Qualley. Elisabeth is left lying in an unresponsive heap on the floor.

In the scenes where Elisabeth is inspecting her aging (but, being Demi Moore, pretty perfect) body in the mirror we see her flat, misshapen bottom. Qualley, whose character settles on the rather unimaginative name Sue, has the most perfect, pert bottom in existence. In fact everything about Sue is so perfect that she seems to radiate youth and vitality through the screen. Sue sews up Elizabeth’s back and it is her turn, for the next seven days, to go out into the world. That’s how it works, Sue has a week of consciousness then Elisabeth has a week. They cannot deviate from this schedule without dire consequences. Sue dons a skimpy, shiny purple leotard, lashings of lip gloss and immediately heads to the studios to apply to be Elisabeth’s replacement. The inappropriate men auditioning all drool over her boobs and perfect buttocks and she lands the role.

Sue, it turns out, has rather impressive DIY skills and builds a concealed room in Elisabeth’s apartment so she can bring people back without them discovering Elizabeth’s comatose body. When it is Elisabeth’s turn to wake up, with a very sore back, she finds that she has been replaced by Sue in the world of TV fitness. There is a giant billboard of Sue right in front of her penthouse window, she cannot escape it. Isn’t this what Elisabeth wanted, another shot at being young and vibrant? Isn’t Sue’s success Elisabeth’s success? Sue, when awake, is thoroughly enjoying all the attention and does not remember that she and Elisabeth are one, she leaves her on the cold floor for longer and longer periods effectively stealing Elisabeth’s remaining youth from her. You may be wondering where the comedy is in all of this but there are some funny scenes. Sue’s interactions with the tongue-tied man in the opposite apartments are hilarious. When Elisabeth wakes up she finds her Louis Vuitton handbags thrown in an old box labelled Elisabeth’s junk. When Sue is doing a filmed work out strange things start to happen to her perfect behind.

There is a lot of gore in The Substance and the film just gets crazier scene by scene. Sue is offered the job of presenting the network’s big New Years Eve show but it is Elisabeth’s turn to be conscious. This is where things start to go very pear shaped to say the least. The ending is horrifying but it is also very funny. I really liked Elisabeth and it was sad that she felt so worthless because some slimy man had judged all women to be finished at fifty. She could not see the beautiful, talented woman looking back at her in the mirror, only the rejected former TV star. Sue is a more one-dimensional character, beautiful, young and ruthless.

I thoroughly enjoyed this interesting and strange film. Moore herself is famous for her multiple plastic surgeries and I think it was brave of her to be so vulnerable and exposed in this role. Qualley, a rising star, brought so much energy to her part and Sue’s desperation to hold onto her new found fame and glamour was palpable. The Substance is a little long at over two hours twenty minutes but it is well worth watching.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

Angry People & How To Avoid Them

On By samanthaIn FAMILYLeave a comment

I had a horrible encounter this week which left me really shaken. My son travels to school by train and, most weekdays, I drive to pick him up. I always do a U turn before parking so that I am facing in the right direction to go home again. So do all the other people collecting commuters. Anyway I checked the road was clear on both side and swung my car round when there was a startling blaring of horn. Another driver, a man of about sixty, had sped right up behind me and was incandescent with rage because I had held his journey up by a nanosecond while I completed my turn. He rolled down his window and spewed the most vile barrage of abuse at me. A sensible person would have just driven off but, I rolled my own window down and asked why he felt the need to be so aggressive. Oh my goodness, he went nuts. The veins in his neck and forehead were bulging and I’m sure he would have like to have hit me. There was a lone woman sitting in the back of his car looking sheepish and I wondered if she was his partner or if he was actually a taxi driver. Anyway I was quite shaken up by his frothing-at-the-mouth behavior but glad it had happened to me and not one of my children. I am sure that he would not have behaved that way had I been a big, burly man. I did also wonder how anyone can go through life sustaining that level of anger, would he go home and take it out of the people he lives with? My dad and my husband are both calm people who I have hardly ever heard raise their voices thank goodness, I’m just not used to being screamed at like that.

Then today I was in the supermarket when the woman behind me began to put her shopping on the conveyor belt before I had unloaded mine. It was a little irritating but I didn’t take much notice. However a couple of her items spilled over onto my own pile and the cashier rang them up as mine. It was easily sorted out and the woman whose shopping it was said “thank goodness you’re not one of those angry people”. Yes, angry people, they are everywhere and they frighten the heck out of me. My aunt, almost ninety, took her dog to the vet and pipped a woman in her twenties to the last parking spot. The young woman called my aunt a wh*re. How disgusting and unnecessary. If one of my kids spoke to an elderly lady in that way I would consider myself a failure as a parent. Again, my aunt, a feisty woman, was very shaken up .

My advice to my children who are all out in the world with these walking time-bombs, is avoid confrontation at all costs. If you are driving and someone irritates you don’t beep them, just let it go. Don’t make eye contact and don’t gesticulate. If you are at a bar or party and you sense the atmosphere become menacing, leave straight away. It’s just not worth it. I remember a man screaming at my mum at a bus stop when I was a very young child, these perpetually furious people have always been amongst us. Yes, they may be having a bad day but there’s no reason to take it out on the rest of us.

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Christmas Gift Ideas for Family and Friends

On By samanthaIn SHOPPINGLeave a comment

I went to the dentist a couple of weeks ago, it was the 26th October and she asked “are you all ready for Christmas?” Huh? Christmas, we hadn’t even had Halloween. This year has flown by and I suppose I need to get organised. It will only be the five of us and my parents for Christmas lunch but I also have my elderly aunt and my parents over sometime in early December.

So gifts, I want to get on with buying them and wrapping them up as they arrive so I am not wrestling with the Sellotape for hours on end. I would like to say the presents I choose are all sourced from local businesses and, before I went back to work, that would be the case but now I have no time to go to the shops so they are mostly bought online. For my elderly relatives I now stick to Marks and Spencer vouchers and they can spend them on nice food if they wish. Here are my picks for other gifts for 2024:

Girls older teens/early twenties

Earrings, not very expensive because they lose them but no so cheap they will turn their ears green. I have chosen these nine carat gold studs from QVC, I bought them when they were on special offer, they are currently £75 which is a little expensive for a stocking filler. They will look nice with my daughter’s suits when she is on her new work placement.

Travel Jewellery Box from Oliver Bonas, because I always have to buy something when I go in to this shop, they sell so many pretty things. These boxes are reduced at the time of writing. They come in lots of pretty designs and are a useful, inexpensive gift for just about anyone.

Joggers from ASOS My daughter plays a lot of sport and all young people seem to live in joggers. Last year I bought her a fleece lined pair but I don’t think they were a hit. These are a little sleeker. I noticed while shopping for these that most of the styles now have wide legs but they’d trip my daughter up if she were wearing them for lacrosse practice.

Teenage Boys

Cash, that’s what they really appreciate but I will also buy some clothes for my younger son. Again, joggers, boys seem to prefer grey. Wide hems seem to be the trend for boys too but I have stuck to the traditional, cuffed style

Crew neck sweatshirt from Uniqlo. My younger son already has one of these in navy and the quality is great. He doesn’t tend to wear hoodies, he likes something a little smarter.

Suitcase, one of my sons is travelling to Australia next year and will need a new case. I was not terribly impressed with my recent purchase from Samsonite so am thinking of ordering this one by brand Americal Tourister from Amazon, Not a brand I am familiar with but this product has almost 1500 excellent reviews and is reasonably priced at £90.

Anti-theft laptop backpack, my older two children take very inexpensive flights where they cram clothes for a week into a backpack because it costs around £100 for them to upgrade to a small suitcase. I purchased two of these from Amazon in grey and in black, they have proved to be a winner so I will buy another for my younger son. My older son takes his into the office as does my daughter when she is on work placement. She said all the girls use similar, no one uses a traditional handbag for work anymore.

I always seem to be buying water bottles and then the lids get lost and they are useless. I am sure there are ten lids under my son’s bed but I daren’t look for fear of what else is lurking there. I will probably buy one or two of these from Chilly’s

Other sure-fire winners are those nylon, fluffy socks, slipper boots, plaid pyjama bottoms in brushed cotton, lip balm sets, body sprays and some of their favorite sweets.

Friends

I have about half a dozen friends that I buy gifts for, usually spending around £30 on average. Most of us complain about the amount of clutter in our homes and I am keen not to add to anyone’s burden of “stuff”.

For my friend who works from home I am going to buy this burgundy Parker Pen. I think it is a useful and elegant gift.

For my friend who takes her dog on lots of chilly walks I am going to buy her this cosy sweatshirt from Marks and Spencer which she can return if she doesn’t like it.

For my friend with whom I just exchange a tiny little gift, I am going to buy her this cute teddy keyring from Harrods. A very little bit of luxury.

So, an expensive and busy time of year, especially for women in my experience. Start writing your cards now, assuming people are still sending Christmas cards given the recent rise in the cost of stamps. My aunt writes her during August. Last year I sat writing ours for so long that my legs went to sleep and , when I tried to stand up, I fell flat on my face, not the best start to the festive season!

Happy Shopping!

Thank you for reading

Samantha