It’s my day off and this afternoon I went around to my parents house to do my usual, vacuuming, putting the laundry mountain away etc. When I arrived there was a very young man there from a company called Red Alert. He explained that the council had sent him as my mum is at risk of falls. Two weeks ago Mum’s legs failed her as she was getting out of bed and she collapsed. Dad could not get her up so, very sensibly, dialled 999. The paramedics got her back to bed. The following night the same thing happened but this time Mum fell across the bed. and Dad was able to manoeuvre her. He then had to deal with the fact that she had wet herself even though he was exhausted himself. Anyway Dad relayed all of this to one of their lovely carers who reported it to the council. Thank goodness for some help. The young man was very professional and did not bat an eyelid when Mum kept interrupting every time he spoke. She continually told me to bugger off (her new catchphrase) and the poor chap could hardly get a word out. “Tell me what is going on” she kept shouting. Dad or I would explain but within a second she wanted to know all over again. I was embarrassed by the overpowering smell of urine and thought I had managed to open a window without Mum noticing but she barked at Dad to close it – which of course he did, he can’t seem to assert himself at all because he doesn’t want Mum to be upset. The man from Red Alert said that he could give Mum a pendant alarm or a watch alarm. my Dad has one of these by a company called Oysta and it is very effective. I pointed out that Mum lacks the cognitive skills required to use it. We agreed on a mat by the side of the bed which would alert my Dad when she got out of bed, assuming he has the accompanying gadget with him. Dad’s Oysta alarm alerts a call centre but the mat sensor only tells someone in the same house of any movement so it isn’t really a great deal of help in my opinion.

While the chap was talking to Dad upstairs I sat downstairs with Mum. She kept telling me to go away, she said she and Dad are none of my concern. Even though I logically know this isn’t really Mum speaking it can still feel very hurtful. I asked if she needed to go to the toilet but she said no. Half an hour later and I asked again and she said, “I do not need you to tell me to go to the toilet” She then hauled herself upstairs to investigate what was going on and wet herself in front of the man. She did not seem to be in the least bit embarrassed by this or to even realise that she had had an accident despite the fact that her clothes and slippers were soaking. I was annoyed to see, as usual, she was not using any of the incontinence products she has been supplied with. The incontinence service supply pads which I have stuck in all of Mum’s knickers so there is no reason for her not to be using them. Dad should really throw away her normal underwear now and buy incontinence pants but the will only insist Mum uses these at bedtime. This refusal to use appropriate products has been going on for five long years. He said, despite the Tena Lady pants, she still wakes up wet every single night.

The young man beat a hasty retreat, and who can blame him? Dad and I then spent forty five minutes trying to persuade Mum to change her sopping wet clothes and let us wash her. I began to feel more and more resentful as my day off slipped away from me. I feel guilty admitting that but here we are. Mum would not be washed in the bathroom so we had to do it in the bedroom, the fancy new alarm mat now being used like a bath mat. I could not wait to get out into the fesh air again. At least I can walk away unlike Dad who is dealing with this 24/7.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

Cover Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash