Featured

Busy Doing Nothing

It’s December 27th and I am not in a good mood. I have two weeks away from work for Christmas, unpaid, as I have to work on a self-employed basis since the pandemic but that is a whole other, moany post. Since last Christmas I have only taken one week off so I have been looking forward to relaxing but, here’s the thing, I seem to have forgotten how. If I am not running around wearing myself out I feel anxious and lazy.

It has been a busy couple of days. At very short notice my mother-in-law was discharged from hospital on Christmas Day so my husband has not been at home very much at all. He spent Christmas day at her house refilling her kitchen cupboards and organising carers for her. I had our three children for Christmas lunch as well as my parents and brother. I did all of the cooking and clearing up. I had to collect my parents and, at the end of the day, drive them the short way home. Getting my house-bound mum in and out of the car safely was stressful but my oldest son did a wonderful job of helping. By the end of Christmas Day I was completely frazzled. On Boxing Day I went for a walk and had a big tidy up of the house. Oh the excitement!

Today I decided to let myself sit on the sofa and watch one of those soppy Hallmark Christmas movies. I was about fifteen minutes in and thoroughly enjoying the film when suddenly I realised it was 11am and there I was, a fit and able person, watching TV in the daytime, surely this is an actual crime. The film now spoiled, I went upstairs to sort laundry , barking complaints at my daughter for dumping just about every garment she has ever owned in the wash. Jeez, what a misery guts I am. Perhaps, I think, I will pointlessly catch a train to Tunbridge Wells and have a pointless wander around the shops, at least then I will be doing something but I am thwarted as the trains all appear to be cancelled and I can’t face driving around trying to find a a parking space. In the end I walk to my parents house and do a little bit of cleaning for them, I instantly feel better for having done something useful.

I wish I was a laid-back type of person, it would probably be far better for my health but that just isn’t my personality type at all. I don’t remember ever seeing my own mother sit down and rest during the day except perhaps on a Sunday afternoon when we would watch Hart to Hart or Butterflies together. If I wake up later than 7.30am I feel an instant sense of panic and guilt. I feel I should be up and doing something. Why am I like this? I read somewhere that we are Human Beings not Human Doings and sometimes we should allow ourselves to just…be.  I do worry about the link between cortisol, the stress hormone, and cancer. Apparently cortisol levels are higher on waking which is why I probably feel at my most jittery during the mornings. I need to make time for some deep breathing exercises and maybe I should try meditation.

My off-switch kicks in around 8pm and then I will take a bath or shower and maybe read or watch some TV . My daughter and I are revisiting old episodes of Dr Who. Probably not what I would choose to watch but she will be returning to university soon and it is a nice way to spend some time together. Phew, I can finally let myself relax. Hopefully I won’t wake up at 3am worrying about a mistake I made at work in 1997. 

Thank you for reading

Samantha

Cover Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

This week I have been…

Reading – Manhattan Nocturne by Colin Harrison.

Do you ever think back to a book that you really enjoyed reading years ago but no longer have? You’d love to repurchase it or borrow it from the library but you can’t remember its name. This happens to me ALL the time. I first read Manhattan Nocturne on holiday in Florida in 2000. Because it is such a doorstep of a book and our luggage upon returning home was already overweight, I left in in the hotel room. Anyway, I was recently purchasing from World of Books on eBay and decided to have a browse and what was on the second page of scrolling but this long lost thriller, I immediately recognised the cover. 99p and a few days later I was able to begin re-reading this fantastic thriller.

Porter Wren, a tabloid columnist has a lovely life with his surgeon wife and two children living in their quirky “Apple Tree House” in New York. He meets a beautiful and mysterious young widow at a party who asks him to investigate the bizarre death of her film director husband. Unfortunately for Wren, somebody powerful is watching him very carefully and he soon finds himself in trouble way over his head. This is one of the most gripping thrillers I have read, or re-read, in long time. The author, Colin Harrison, is a former Editor of Harpers magazine and wrote a series of thrillers, all based around money and sex and set in New York. Bodies Electric being the next one I plan to revisit.

Watching-Six Years Gone on Amazon Prime Video

Not what you would call a cheerer-upper, this bleak but very compelling drama directed by Warren Dudley tells the story of Carrie, played by Veronica Jane Trickett. Pretty, young and carefree Carrie has a day off work so, after sending Lolly, her eleven year old daughter off to school, has a nap then a bit of afternoon delight with the local estate agent then pops in for a coffee and catch up with her friend. Carrie is relaxed knowing that her Mum, Mary, is going to pick up Lolly from school. Except that Mary forgets, nobody has realised that she has early onset dementia . Three hours pass before Carrie finds out that her daughter appears to have vanished off the face of the earth.

Suddenly it is six years later and Carrie looks absolutely ravaged by grief and desperation. She and Lolly had previously been living in a big house in Brighton paid for by her her ex-husband but he stops the money and she and Mary, now incontinent and needing constant care, live on a rough estate. Carrie is now working as cleaner and struggling to make ends meet. The men in her life, her ex husband and brother are noticeably absent when she needs assistance, and the police have been totally ineffective in finding missing Lolly.

What struck me most about the film is how, when spotting a young woman having the most miserable time, so many vulture-like people were circling to take advantage. From the manageress at the social club where Carrie cleans to the men who smell her desperation and take whatever they want from her, people are just out for themselves. The only kindness is from a bailiff who shows a little bit of compassion towards Carrie having recognised her name from the news. Be warned, Six Years Gone is a tough watch, there is one particularly harrowing scene, but utterly engrossing with fantastic performances, especially from Trickett and Sarah Priddy who plays Mary.

Listening to – Real Survival Stories Podcast

This is an absolutely addictive podcast and I have been known to drive around the block just to reach the end of a particular story. My favourite so far has been the two part tale Pacific Castaways . Douglas Robertson tells us how, in 1971, his family decided to embark on a trip around the globe in their yacht, The Lucette. After the vessel is attacked by a school of killer whales the seafarer’s dream trip becomes the stuff of nightmares and things just go from bad to worse. I think I would have abandoned all hope within the first ten minutes but not the Robertsons. This is absolutely compelling listening and, even after five decades have passed, Douglas still becomes emotional when recounting the events. This podcast is a Noiser production, I listened on Itunes.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

Cover Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash