Tag: Mental Health

Tackling Insomnia – Part One

On By samanthaIn HEALTH3 Comments

Happy New Year!

This week I have really battled with insomnia. I tend to go to bed around 10.30pm and am usually asleep by 11pm but have been waking about at around 3am and finding it almost impossible to fall back to sleep. If I do manage to nod back off, I am plagued by the most terrible nightmares, possibly caused by the Propranolol that I take for migraine prevention. The sort of nightmares that stay with you all day. Menopause apparently is also a major culprit when it comes to low quality sleep.

Last night I woke with a migraine after sleeping for four hours and got out of bed to take a Sumitriptan tablet. That was it for the night then, I just lay there trying not to disturb my husband. We have a burglar alarm and, although I know you are suppose to get out of bed and not just lie there trying to sleep, I didn’t want to venture downstairs and risk the beeping waking the rest of my family. Fortunately today is a Saturday and I am not working and I don’t have to drive anywhere because I feel shattered.

My daughter bought me a rather lovely silk sleep mask from Millie & Boo for Christmas. The mask has wonderful reviews with people stating that using it radically improved the quality of their sleep. The mask, which is well made, super soft and a pretty silver grey, arrived beautifully boxed. It fastens with velcro and I have been careful not to secure it too tightly nonetheless I think the slight pressure across the top of my face has contributed to my migraine. Maybe not the solution I have been searching for.

My GP was optimistic that the Utrogestan capsules that I take before bed as part of my HRT routine would help, and for a few months they did, but my insomnia is now back with a vengeance. Once it gets to around 3am I am wide awake and unable to stop the racing thoughts that flood my mind. I start to worry about…well everything. A mistake I made at work in 1989, something daft I said at a coffee morning in 1999, I’m stressing about it at 3am in 2025. Apparently we experience a Cortisol (known as the stress hormone) spike at around this time and this is why early morning waking is so common. I note that my fists are often clenched and I have slept with a sheet over my face since I was a little girl and was frightened of ghosts whispering to me. Both of these things are apparently signs of high stress levels. It has become increasingly clear that one of the first things I need to tackle in 2025 is my insomnia as it is going to start affecting my long term health. In particular, in light of my mum’s Alzheimer’s disease, I am keen to regularly achieve a good night’s sleep to help prevent cognitive decline.

This week I am not going to watch television on my computer before bed which is a habit I have fallen into. I am going to sit in bed and read an actual book, nothing dark or frightening. I do read three or four books a month but it used to be around double that before I discovered the endless entertainment on Netflix . I am also going to try to do some sort of pre-sleep meditation to relax my body, particularly my hands and jaw which is where I seem to store most of my stress and tension. I shall report back.

Wish me luck.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

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New York Nerves

On By samanthaIn FAMILYLeave a comment

My seventeen year old son is going off on a school trip to New York and Washington tomorrow. He has a very laissez-faire attitude to preparation which is the polar opposite of my own. The long list of things I am currently worrying about includes :

  • Oversleeping and not getting to the school in time for the 3.45am drop off
  • Him losing his passport
  • Something being wrong with his ESTA and him being refused entry
  • The customs discovering his perfectly legal dermatologist prescribed medication that I haven’t disclosed to the school because he didn’t want to have it dished out by the teacher
  • His feet hurting as he has only just mentioned his second pair of trainers are too small
  • His debit card, which he just told me is badly cracked, not working
  • His wallet being stolen
  • The zip breaking on his bulging suitcase as he is packing every T Shirt he owns
  • Him not having enough smart clothes for the more formal visits
  • Us ignoring the teacher’s strange directive that boys can only wear shorts that come past their knees
  • Someone planting drugs in his suitcase
  • His suitcase going missing
  • Him not wearing his retainers
  • Him running up a massive bill on data using his iPhone

You get the neurotic picture. My other son left for Spain with his fiancée yesterday and my daughter is in Croatia with friends from university. I checked they both had appropriate travel insurance, gave them a hug goodbye and didn’t really give it too much thought. They know what they are doing. My youngest son is very intelligent but there is something about most teenage boys that is a bit dreamy, or at least that’s how they can come across. I fear he will be so busy chatting with his friends that he won’t notice somebody dipping into his backpack or his passport lying on the pavement.

Worry – what a colossal waste of life it is. My husband says it achieves nothing but that isn’t quite true. When I am anxious about something like this I find that making a list and crossing everything off makes me feel calmer and it also ensures nothing important is missed. After all, it wouldn’t be much fun walking around New York in the pouring rain if we hadn’t packed his waterproof, these things do matter. Worrying can certainly drain the pleasure out of life though and it is important to recognise when it is getting out of hand.

I am sure lots of people will think that teachers have a great deal, going on these incredible trips for free, but the amount of work that goes into organizing them must be enormous. In one day my son is vising the UN, the Museum of Modern Art and The Empire State Building. The responsibility of ensuring all these teens cross the busy roads safely, don’t sneak off trying to have a drink etc. would just about finish me off. I am sure they will all have a fabulous time. My son’s, rather overstuffed, suitcase is now packed, labelled and I am feeling much more relaxed already.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

Photo by Nik on Unsplash

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It’s All A Lot Of Oysters But No Pearls

On By samanthaIn FAMILYLeave a comment

The title of this post is taken from the song A Long December by Counting Crows and seems to sum this week up perfectly although, now I have started thinking about it, I realise there have been some nice moments.

I have been ridiculously busy at work, feeling overwhelmed and it seems that my email inbox is like the fairy tale The Magic Porridge Pot, it just constantly refills. For very email I deal with three more seem to pop in. I have come to dread the accompanying chime. My shoulders have been hurting because I have been tensely hunched over my desk, working at the speed of light, for seven hours at a time. I am not very good at taking breaks but I need to get up and stretch every now and again before I completely seize up.

I had a day off on Tuesday and was looking forward a a little rest but my husband had booked a man in to clean the carpets, he was due to arrive at 8am. Groan. Obviously the rooms had to be cleared of clutter (thank goodness for my March decluttering efforts, see my post So Much Stuff! ) All the windows had to be left wide open all day even though it was freezing. I messaged my friend to have a moan and she invited me over for a cup of tea. How lovely to have a friend who knows you are chilly and proffers a heated gilet as soon as you arrive.

My dad called me later, in pain with toothache. Having had the most awful, ongoing dental infection a couple of years ago I have great empathy for anyone suffering like this. My parents can no longer get to the NHS dentist and have started using the lovely but very expensive private dentist in our village. Fortunately she was able to fit Dad in for the following day and I arranged to spend the afternoon sitting with Mum. I had some numbing gel that helped while Dad waited to be seen. Poor Dad, he really looks after his teeth, flossing and using interdental brushes but has been beset with problems for years. The dentist extracted the tooth, the second in six months. It was at the back of his mouth so he doesn’t have a visible gap. Mum didn’t really want me at their house and kept telling me to go home which can be a little hurtful but I just have to remind myself that she doesn’t mean it. Or perhaps she does, I hope not.

I then received a letter from the NHS telling me I was being fined for not paying for my migraine mediation months and months ago. I have paid for my prescriptions my entire adult life but the pharmacist mistakenly put my migraine meds in with my HRT which I had pre-paid for. How I was supposed to know this is a mystery. My husband had collected the sealed paper bag and I didn’t open it for weeks. I tried explaining this to the NHS appeals team but it was like speaking to a brick wall and I paid the fine which was around £50.

My daughter came home from university for a week yesterday. It was lovely to see her although as soon as she was through the door she said her laptop isn’t working well. I am hoping that a replacement battery will do the trick. We have been spending the evenings watching a documentary on Netflix called HellCamp: Teen Nightmare. Parents spent $16,000 in 1989 to send their wayward teens off to hike in the Utah desert for months at a time or to be stuck aboard a boat for a year. Some children were used as slave labour . The most famous participant in one of these programmes was Paris Hilton. Thousands of American children still attend these camps despite the recent bad publicity. It is nice to snuggle up with my daughter and watch something together, usually while eating a giant bag of Chocolate Buttons.

So not the best week but, looking back, nothing majorly bad has happened. There are so many people in the world suffering terribly at the moment and my trivial problems are inconsequential in comparison. I have just been feeling tired, cold, headachy and a little frazzled. I have probably also been watching the news too much. The spring will soon be here and it will be nice to feel the sun for a change.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

Cover Photo by Dagmara Dombrovska on Unsplash

Purse Predicament

On By samanthaIn SHOPPINGLeave a comment

In my recent post Shopping Shy I described how much my daughter hates shopping and that I think it’s the sense of overwhelm that is the problem. There is simply too much stuff to choose from. Gone are the days of going into a shop and having two or three choices. Now we all have fingertip access to thousands of retailers offering their, often very similar, wares.

In Ruby Wax’s book Frazzled she describes how the act of buying some cushions became a huge exercise in overthinking. I remember some years ago going onto Amazon to order some new salt and pepper grinders. There were hundreds and hundreds to choose from. Goodness knows how much time I wasted comparing them all, I actually began to feel quite stressed over this inconsequential decision. I eventually bought two perfectly ordinary wooden grinders which I have never given a second thought to since. 

This week I decided to buy a new purse. I wanted something smaller than I usually use with room for a few cards, a couple of coins and a little bit of cash. How hard could that be? Having sold several bags and purses on eBay as part of my ongoing de-cluttering exercise, I was in the position to treat myself to something nice if I wanted. I Googled small zip-around purse and was immediately swamped with choice. There was a beautiful Chanel number for an eye-watering price, I discounted that immediately as I have not won the lottery. Louis Vuitton have a pretty model for £350 but it’s still very expensive and I’m not a huge fan of their Monogram canvas. Mulberry have one for £240 but it is a little plain. Oliver Bonas have some at £26 but they aren’t leather although I was very tempted by the bright orange. I choose a glossy patent leather purse from French brand Isabel Bernard for £60 but a £30 delivery charge was added at checkout so I cancelled. Eventually, after much deliberating, I ordered one from the Kate Spade sale which came in at around £50. It arrived yesterday and is perfect. Phew.

I do wonder how all of these different retailers keep going, surely there can’t be that many people looking to buy the same product? I haven’t even mentioned all the hand made options available on Etsy. I buy most of my birthday cards from Etsy but I haven’t had a great experience with other items, the quality has been lacking or they just haven’t tuned up.

If you’d like to pick out your own small purse without the over-thinking drama, then take a look at my Pinterest board below, I have done the leg-work for you.

https://pin.it/rbgjK9HJ7

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Cover Photo by shawnanggg on Unsplash

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Bass Guitar Blues

On By samanthaIn FAMILYLeave a comment

For a joint Christmas and birthday present this year we bought my youngest son a beautiful new Fender electric bass guitar. I must admit I was slightly stunned by how much these things cost but we managed to get the model he wanted in the sales . My son had said that he’d like to sell his old guitar but first it needed to be sent off for repair. As it was still under warranty I was able to return it to the company I bought it from but they were very clear that it must be properly packaged up as they would not be liable for damage in transit. As I had disposed of the original box ages ago I had to buy a new box on eBay for £15. It was too small. So I had to buy a bigger box on eBay for £20. Ugh, annoying. My son really looks after his things so his gleaming black guitar was duly packaged up and I arranged for the courier to collect it, another £6.50. When the very surly courier arrived I asked him nicely if he could make sure that the guitar was carefully placed on the van. I had marked the box This Way Up and Fragile, Handle With Care in thick red marker on on every surface. It is a bit of a clue isn’t it? Anyway, the courier grunted, gave me a contemptuous look, completely ignored my request to hold the box a a certain way and slung the guitar on the back of the van. Ok, to be fair, I don’t actually know that he slung my son’s precious guitar but I bet he did. A couple of days later I received an email from the repair company along with some photos of my son’s guitar. It had a big chunk missing out of it and was horribly scratched. Hundreds of pounds worth of damage, more than the instrument is actually worth. I nearly cried. 

I asked the guitar company how I could go about claiming compensation from the courier but they told me that it had not been sufficiently packaged. This despite me using the worlds’ most expensive cardboard box, bubble wrap and plastic bags. So, instead of being angry with the miserable, incompetent sod of a courier I started berating myself. I have an airing cupboard full of old mattress protectors which are padded, why didn’t I think to wrap the guitar up in one of those? Why didn’t I buy more bubble wrap? I lost SO much sleep with this whirring around and around in my head. I still haven’t told my son about the damage and we haven’t had the guitar back yet. Fortunately he is thrilled with his new model. He is a good natured boy anyway and will probably just wonder what his daft mother is getting so worked up about. What’s done is done, there is no point dwelling on this. These things happen sometimes.

It must be nice to go through life not worrying about anything, just brushing problems off like water off a duck’s back .  My daughter has just come back from Cape Verde and is now wearing bracelets and a T shirt emblazoned with the island’s motto No Stress. Hotel guests were greeted with Hakuna Matata which, if you have ever seen The Lion King, you will know means No Worries or Take it Easy, It is a Swahili expression used by people who are clearly more laid-back than I am.

No Stress definitely isn’t my motto, more’s the pity, but perhaps I could try Less Stress, it would probably do me good.

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Header Photo by Susan Mohr on Unsplash