Category: GOING OUT

A Day Out in London – Afternoon Tea at The Langham

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My friend kindly invited me and another mutual, friend out to afternoon tea at The Langham which is a hotel located in Portland Place, a two minute walk from Oxford Circus station. I have only had afternoon tea at a swanky hotel once before, The Savoy about eight years ago, and what I remember was that my sister-in-law politely requested that some of the cakes be put into a box so that she could take them home for her family as she didn’t want to eat any then and there and the waiter refused. So she paid about £125 for a cup of Darjeeling. Afternoon tea at The Langham is slightly less expensive but the bill still came to a hefty £101 per person. Of course you are paying for the location and experience as much as for the tea and sandwiches.

The Langham is a very impressive hotel which opened in 1865. Tea is served in their Palm Court area. It is a stunningly elegant dining room. Dress code is smart casual but there were plenty of people wearing trainers, I suppose people tag on a 3pm tea experience to a morning of site seeing and no one wants to be doing that in formal shoes. I didn’t spot any jeans though. As part of my decluttering project I have decided to try and wear clothes I already own rather than buy anything new and wore some ivory tailored trousers from Mango, a black boucle jacket from H&M and a silk top that I have had forever but only worn once before, from Boden. On my feet I wore some well worn-in ballet flats because I’ve had many a special occasion ruined by .uncomfortable shoes. I was tempted to slip my trainers into a tote bag for the journey home.

My outing didn’t get off to the smoothest start as I could not park anywhere near my local train station. Most of the spots are now restricted to two hours which is ridiculous because who goes in to London and comes back again in that time? After driving around the multi-story car park twice and not finding a single space I rang my friend and manage to catch her before she set out on her own fruitless search for parking. I drove to her house and we rang for a taxi and manage to catch our train.

Once arriving at Oxford Circus via the Bakerloo Line we simply crossed the road and walked a few yards and we were there. I wish I had some pictures but when I sat down in the dining room I realised I couldn’t find my phone. After a second’s panic thinking I’d been robbed or had dropped it in central London I decided that I had probably just left it in my car and, sure enough, that’s exactly what had happened. I managed not to sit there the entire time worrying about it but when we caught the slowest train ever home I did begin to feel a bit jittery.

The Palm Court is stunning. If I go to anything like this again I will be sure not to sit facing the wall because it was impossible to people watch, my favourite thing, from where I was sitting. The walls are decorated with gold coloured ornaments and the chandeliers are beautiful. A pianist played songs from Les Miserable, Wicked and some Billy Joel. It really is the picture of elegance.

The staff at The Langham were far less snooty than at The Savoy. They gave us a warm welcome and explained the menu. I chose Phoenix Honey Orchid tea which was, quite frankly, disgusting. I stuck to water after that. We were brought a platter of finger sandwiches, egg, cream cheese, prawn and Coronation chicken, they were exceptionally delicious. We ate all of them and the lovely, friendly waitress bright some more. Next were the most beautiful small pastries, three for each of us in lemon, coffee and strawberry flavours. The three of us were all sitting there feeling fit to burst when the waitress brought over a little crème brulee creation with a candle in it for my friend. Just as we thought the bill would be arriving we were served warm miniature scones with jam and clotted cream and a gorgeous fruit cake which we had boxed up for my friend’s family. The waitress bought the boxed cake over in a branded gift bag and said she’d popped some extra scones in there too, how lovely. The food was amazing and there was far more of it than I had expected. We waddled back to the Tube. If you are thinking of doing a posh afternoon tea in London then The Langham is the place to go.

For my friend’s birthday gift we bought her a gift set from The White Company in Sea Salt scent. She took that home along with the scones and fruit cake and I think she really had a lovely afternoon, I know I did.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

A Day Out in London – Siena: The Rise of Painting, 1300 ‒1350 at The National Gallery & Marylebone Village

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The Siena exhibition at The National Gallery is breath-taking. If you would like to view some of Europe’s earliest artwork, beautifully displayed, then this is the exhibition for you. It features the work of fourteenth century Italian artists, Duccio, Simone Martini and the brothers Pietro and Ambrogio Lorenzetti . When they completed their masterpieces seven hundred years ago did these artists ever imagine that people would still be admiring them so far into the future? The work is all of a religious theme, there are many images of the Virgin Mary with Jesus as a baby and of course countless crucifixion scenes.

There are over one hundred exhibits including fragments of intricately woven silk, rugs, plaster panels, ivory statuettes, altarpieces. One scene painted by Ducci shows Mary recovering from labour. In many of the artworks she looks sorrowful, already aware of the fate of her baby son. The accompanying narrative displayed next to each exhibit was very informative, I did not know that Mary’s parents were called Anne and Joachim

Many works by Pietro Lorenzetti and his brother Ambrogio are featured. There is diptch that displays Christ’s brith on one side and his crucifixion on the other. There is an enormous crucifix with a sinister skull lying at the bottom. So many exquisite things to see. I am just glad I was not responsible for transporting so may fragile objects.

After the gallery we caught a bus to Marylebone Village and had a light lunch in the French restaurant Aubaine. The bus driver did not speak a word of English and kept playing the wrong announcements so it was rather comical. Marylebone Village consists of coffee shops, restaurants and clothing boutiques such as Sandro, Sezane, Me & Em, and Rizo. Not the very high end designers but you still need a few hundred pounds to buy a dress in most of the stores. We spent some time looking at pretty things in Sezane but neither my friend or I bought anything. Some of the shops had more staff than customers and I wonder how they all keep going. There is a lovely relaxed atmosphere in the village and I will definitely go back and explore a little bit more soon

Thank you for reading

Samantha

A Day Out in London – The Frameless Exhibition and Selfridges

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I enjoy a day out in London every couple of months and keep an eye out for interesting new things to see and do. A friend recommended Frameless, an immersive art experience near Marylebone. Perfectly located for a look around Selfridges afterwards. I chose flexible tickets which meant we could arrive at any time of our choosing on a particular day. They cost £37. This was only slightly more expensive than the set time tickets and meant that train delays wouldn’t cause any unnecessary stress. We caught a train just after 9.30am in order to enjoy a whole day in London. When we arrived at Marble Arch station there were whiteboards displaying warnings to commuters not to take their phone out outside the station and announcements blaring through the tannoy saying there had been numerous phone robberies outside the tube that week. What a pity that every city now seems to be full of thieves.

Because we were now paranoid about looking at Google maps on our phones we bumbled around for ten minutes trying to find the location but, in fact, it is a one minute walk from the tube. The exhibition itself is fabulous! Frameless is made up of four huge galleries where forty two works of art are animated and brought to life. There is another gallery near the gift shop exhibiting the work of somebody the staff referred to as an intern but really they are an artist in residence. The friendly lady in the gift shop told me their best selling item are realistic soft toy pigeons, nothing to do with the artwork which made me laugh.

Each gallery is very different. There are seating areas within each one and a lovely café should you wish to break your visit up. Information boards tell visitors what they can expect to find in each room and you can see the order in which the art is screened. The scale of the art works is incredibly impressive and they are projected onto the walls, floor and ceiling. In the first gallery this creates a sensation of moving even when you know you are standing still and made me feel a bit dizzy for a moment. The second gallery we visited “Colour in Motion” displayed works by Monet and Vincent Van Gough and the paintings are formed by swirling brush strokes that gradually come together to make the finished image. There were tiny children in the gallery who were having a whale of a time chasing the brush strokes and even a baby in a sling cooing in wonder. In the “Beyond Reality” gallery The Cyclops by Odilon Redon comes to life and peeks out behind a mountain The Scream by Edvard Munch turns into a nightmarish black hole of a mouth. At this exhibition you can see singers under a lamppost in London, Volcanoes in Pompeii, ships being tossed about on crashing waves, Venetian scenes and all sorts of strange creatures stomping around. The final gallery “The Art of Abstraction” shows work by artists such as Kandinsky and Klint and is perhaps slightly less suitable for young children as it is very dark the art here is displayed in a maze like display of mesh screens. Each gallery has wonderful atmospheric music playing from Spanish guitar to jazz. It really is a true immersive experience. I would recommend Frameless to anybody who is looking for something a little bit different to do.

After lunch we ventured into Selfridges and had a very mediocre lunch in their ground floor café. I used to work near Bond Street and would often enjoy a mooch around this beautiful department store during my lunch break. I would buy pretty stationary or a scarf. It is very different now, just made up of luxury concessions. If you want to purchase Chanel, Hermes, Louis Vuitton etc. you will be in the right place. If you just want a little treat then there is the beauty hall where you can pick up a fancy lip gloss or bottle of fragrance. We looked around one of the Chanel concessions and oohed a little bit at all the beautiful, wildly expensive things. Pale blue seemed to be the colour of the season and everything was trimmed with crystals or pearls. I tried a Bayswater Satchel on in the Mulberry concession but they didn’t have it in the colour I liked and I had just spent the equivalent amount of money on a new computer for work so, sadly, it wasn’t really day for purchasing expensive new leather goods.

On Oxford Street there were lots of rather aggressive elderly women beggars from overseas, something I hadn’t encountered before anywhere but Italy. I wonder where they all go at the end of the day. The sight of so many homeless people lining the pavements is very sad and I suppose fewer passer bys give them money now as we are largely a cashless society.

We popped into a couple of shops on Oxford Street, Zara and Uniqlo, but this was a Saturday and the crowds were ridiculous. I know some people find beautiful things in Zara but I don’t find the quality to be very good. Uniqlo is brilliant for basics like T shirts and my son likes their crew neck jumpers. I was tempted by one of their popular sling bags but, after seeing the Chanel delights, they didn’t hold much quite so much appeal. After half an hour or so we headed back to the Tube and managed to travel home without being robbed.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

Film Review – Bridget Jones – Mad About The Boy

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This review does contain some spoilers. Comedies aren’t really my favourite genre but it’s been a long winter and who doesn’t need a little cheering up at this time of year? I have seen the other films in the Bridget Jones franchise so it seemed a pity not to see how Bridget’s story ends in Mad About the Boy – directed by Michael Morris . It has been nine years since Bridget Jones had her baby and a catch-up is long overdue. My friend booked us tickets to go and see it at The Stag Theatre and Cinema in Sevenoaks. I have never seen the cinema so full, there was not an empty seat in the house and almost all of the film goers were women.

The film opens and we immediately learn that Bridget’s life hasn’t been all sunshine and roses, Mark, her husband was killed on a humanitarian mission to Sudan four years earler. She finds herself alone, in her Hampstead house, with her two young children, Billy and Mabel. The house itself would probably cost about five million pounds, I know because I looked on the website of the posh estate agent that I used to work for. If you don’t fancy a trip to London after watching the film I will be very surprised, there are no pickpockets or phone snatchers to be seen, just the most picturesque locations. Bridget goes on a date in Borough Market, I was there recently and it was horribly crowded but it’s conveniently empty for our heroine. Bridget is, of course, played by Rene Zellweger. Mark Darcy does still make appearances throughout if you are concerned about the lack of Colin Firth. I saw an interview where Hugh Grant said that there really wasn’t any logical place for his character, Bridget’s former love interest Daniel Cleaver, in this film but the writers found a way to include him when Bridget rushes to his side after he has a health scare. Grant really is a scene stealer and the film wouldn’t have been the same without him.

Bridget has been on her own for four years and her friends create an embarrassing Tinder profile for her. She is finally going back out into the world. Of course Hollywood can’t let people be single, even if they seem perfectly happy that way. Any single person must surely be feeling unfulfilled and therefore coaxed back into the dating world. Bridget returns to her previous job as a TV producer and hires an annoyingly perfect, but actually lovely nanny, Chloe played by Nico Parker. The film features a whole host of famous actors, Isla Fisher (who looks just like Moaning Myrtle in Harry Potter), Hugh Grant, Sally Phillips and Emma Thomson to name a few.

Bridget takes Mabel and Billy to Hampstead Heath where there’s an unfortunate tree-climbing incident. Although not really so unfortunate as she find two handsome men offering to help, Roxter, played by Leo Woodall and Mr Wallaker, the new science teacher at the children’s’ prep school, played by Chiwetel Ejiofor. Roxter is just twenty nine and Bridget is supposed to be around fifty. He thinks she is thirty five and she says yes, lets go with that. They have a fun romance but the age difference looms large. Mr Wallaker seems to appear, as if by magic, at the most embarrassing moments but he is clearly a caring soul. After pretending to be outdoorsy, Bridget accompanies him on the school expedition to the Lake District, another win for the English Tourist Board.

The school scenes did bring back some memories, the one mum who has to get a dig in about how you’re not quite as perfect as she is. The superior mother in this film has twins Atticus and Eros. She is organising hampers for the school raffle and Bridget fishes a half eaten pot of hummus out of her Mulberry bag as her contribution, we’ve all been there! There is a very touching scene at the end when Billy is singing and it really brought home the fact that I won’t have any more school concerts to attend for my own children.

Bridget’s wardrobe is pretty typical of private school mums. She has a Mulberry Bayswater bag which I am sure featured in another one of the films, cashmere cardigans, ankle boots, mini -but-not-too-mini skirts and dungarees. Personally I don’t think anyone over the age of five should be wearing dungarees unless they’re a painter and decorator. She also has a pair of straight Levi jeans which she wears for her visit to Hampstead Heath. For her dates she has pretty tea dresses, a denim jacket and an Anna Hindmarch woven bag. You could pretty much replicate her entire wardrobe with a quick order from White Stuff and Boden. Crew Clothing have this pretty teal cord mini-skirt which is a near match for Bridget’s. One thing Bridget doesn’t appear to be acquainted with is a hairbrush for some reason and she looks fairly dishevelled most of the time.

I doubt author Helen Fielding realised what a success her scatter-brained creation would be when she wrote her column in The Independent in 1995. The first book was published in 1996. Bridget Jones – Mad About the Boy is great fun, beautifully shot and very moving. Not so many laughs as the earlier films and Bridget isn’t quite so hapless which is probably just as well seeing as she is in charge of two small children. One girl sitting behind us left the cinema sobbing – you have been warned!

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Cover Photo by Myke Simon on Unsplash

Film Review – Babygirl

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This review does contain some spoilers. I went to see Babygirl at The Stag Theatre and Cinema in Sevenoaks. My daughter had already seen it and said “Mum, I can’t imagine it will be your cup of tea at all”. I went with a friend whose daughter said the film is porn, “it’s not porn” I said, “as if Nicole Kidman would appear in porn”. Well my friend’s daughter was right, it really is soft porn. The film, directed by Halina Reijn, stars Nicole Kidman as Romy, a fifty something CEO of a robotics company. Romy is married to Jacob, played by Antonio Banderas, they have two daughters. Nora, who is still a little girl and Isabel who is a teenager and in a lesbian relationship. Isabel, played by Esther McGregor, was my favourite character in the film, she was insightful and compassionate. They all live in a fabulous apartment but also have a mansion in the country for weekends and holidays.

The film opens with a filmed upside-down sex scene between Romy and Jacob. As soon as they have finished Romy scurries away from the marital bed, furtively opens her laptop computer and writhes on the carpet whilst masturbating to porn. It transpires that she has been faking it with Jacob for their entire marriage. That pretty much sets the tone of the film.

We learn that Romy is super-stressed with an upcoming deal at work. She rushes off to work leaving Jacob, a theatre director, in charge of the children’s schedules On the way to the office she encounters a dog attacking a fellow pedestrian. Terrified she retreats but the dog lunges towards her. Suddenly, a young man appears and instantly calms the dog. Romy continues into the office where her PA asks if she would like to meet this year’s crop of interns. The interns are ushered into Romy’s office and, surprise, surprise, one of them is the young man, Samuel, played by Harris Dickinson. He immediately asks an insolent question about the ethics of the business and the PA brings the introductions to a hasty close. It is clear that Samuel is confident and very bold. There is a mentoring scheme in place for the interns and Samuel informs Romy that he has chosen her for his mentor. Unaware that she was even on the list she tries to make excuses but a ten minute meeting is scheduled and this is when things begin to get… heated.

Samuel is thirty years younger than Romy but oozes self-assurance. She may be the boss at work but definitely not in the bedroom. He makes it clear that she must do what he tells her. This is where things get a little silly . Romy finds herself on all fours lapping at a saucer of milk. She is sent to stand in the corner like a naughty child. Romy attends a rave dressed in an amber silk pussy-bow blouse and immediately young girls start pawing at her, the blouse comes off. She finds Samuel in the heaving crowd with no trouble and does not seem in the least bit perturbed about being the oldest person in the room by three decades. In real life people would have been wondering whose mum had turned up to take them home.

Although the relationship is entirely consensual there is, of course, a power imbalance and if Romy thinks she can just walk away from the relationship when she chooses she is sorely mistaken. Everyone at her company seems to be capable of blackmail and she is terrified of losing her position and her family. She immerses herself in her affair but it is safe to say that there isn’t a happy ending for Samuel and Romy. However, she finally finds herself able to open up to Jacob about her desires. Disgusted and embarrassed, he tells her to get out of their home. She simply goes to their other spectacular home, the outside of which is all lit up by fairly lights as if it had been expecting her.

Romy has the same uptight air that Kidman’s characters always seem to have. She reminds me somewhat of Julie Andrews playing Mary Poppins, I think it is her toes turned out walk. She struts through the city streets in a wardrobe that could have been borrowed from any of the films/tv productions I have seen her in recently. Kidman is of course still exceptionally beautiful but in one scene Samuel describes Romy as not being girlfriend material because she looks like a mother. Of course men have relationships with women decades younger than them all the time and nobody really bats an eyelid except to predictably suggest it is transactional on the woman’s part.

There were only six of us in the cinema and most people let at an embarrassed laugh at one point or other. I was slightly surprised that Kidman, a huge star, signed up for something so explicit. Babygirl is provocative, raunchy and fairly entertaining but my daughter was right, it wasn’t really my cup of tea.

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Cover Photo by Myke Simon on Unsplash

My Daughter’s 21st Birthday – We visit The London Dungeon

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My daughter had been debating what to do for her 21st birthday. We had already been to see the Mean Girls Musical a couple of weeks beforehand. She had been planning on going back to university but many of her friends were on work placement or studying for their exams. In the end she decided to stay at home and celebrate with her friends after their exams were finished. She still didn’t seem very enthusiastic about doing anything in particular, we debated going to Madame Tussauds or The Natural History Museum but on the end decided on The London Dungeon. I booked tickets on the day which were £35 each. We had been a couple of times before, about a decade ago so we knew what to expect.

We travelled to Waterloo East and then it is a five minute walk to the dungeon which overlooks the river, you can’t really miss it. The nearest Tube is Waterloo. There weren’t many visitors to The Dungeon at 11am on a Wednesday morning, there seemed to be more staff than guests but we were greeted enthusiastically by staff wearing various medieval costumes, a silent monk was particularly creepy. There are plenty of photo opportunities in the entrance but after that point you have to turn your phone off. The staff do corner you to take some “official” photos, pictures of you in the stocks or about to have your head lopped off with an axe and you can view and purchase these photos before leaving. The Dungeons are manned by actors, all very young, who take visitors on a tour of some of the horrors of London. It had changed somewhat since my last visit and I was disappointed to see the boat ride had been removed, that was my favourite part. A room dedicated to the witch trials had been added and this was probably the most frightening spectacle. I had previously taken my children and some friends for their tenth birthdays but I think the witch performance would be too scary for many ten year olds.

The first character we met was a court jester who dramatically told us a little bit about what to expect and then we were taken into a pitch back lift called The Descent and the tour began. We found ourselves in a courtroom where a batty judge sat in session. One of the other visitors was placed in the dock and some silly charges ready out, it was all very funny. A long list of crimes punishable by death in 1622 was displayed on the wall, pickpocketing and animal theft included. We are then led to a medieval torture chamber, again a guest or two are singled out to participate but it is all very light-hearted.

The actress playing Mrs Lovett in the Sweeney Todd section was absolutely superb and seemed to be thoroughly enjoying herself. She stood behind a counter ladened with dubious looking meat pies. Guests are then escorted into a room full of barbers chairs and asked to sit down. It is enough to make your scalp crawl. There is a strong comedic element to some of the exhibits, particularly the courtroom and the pie shop. Others are strictly horror inducing such as the section on Jack the Ripper and the Witches. Be prepared to find yourself in pitch black rooms at various points during the tour, not knowing who or what is going to appear right in front of you. There are also a lot of strobe lighting effects.

The London Dungeons are genuinley quite educational in places, especially the plague section and guests stop here, sit down and are treated to an autopsy of a plague victim. Prepare to be splattered by the totally incompetent physician!

There is a confusing mirror maze and then the guests find themselves in a Whitechapel set where we meet a lady of the night, terrified that she will be The Ripper’s next victim, we then going into a pub for another genuinely terrifying spectacle. Now I come to think about it, I do remember many squeals in this part when I visited a decade ago with a gaggle of ten year old girls. Maybe not the obvious choice of venue but they did all have a fantastic time.

After making the rounds of all the exhibits the dungeons predictably ends in a small gift shop where you can buy the usual stuff, key rings, pencils and T shirts etc. There is also a bar before the exit where you can rest before heading back out into 2025.

I think The London Dungeon is brilliant fun and a great way to spend a couple of hours in London. It’s probably suitable for most children of twelve and older. The London Eye is right outside and you can buy a multi-ticket including the Dungeon, The London Eye and Madame Tussauds and make a real day of it.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

Mean Girls – The Musical, a Review

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My daughter’s twenty first birthday is fast approaching but she will be at university, taking exams. I thought it would be nice to take her out for lunch in Covent Garden and then on to see a show. I looked at what was on and decided to book tickets for Mean Girls which has recently opened at The Savoy Theatre on The Strand. I paid around £200 for two tickets for a 2.30pm Saturday matinee perfomance.

From the town where we live to Charing Cross is around a half hour train ride and then we walked to Covent Carden and had a look around the East Collanade Market which has dozens of stalls selling handmade items, similar to the sort of thing you might find on Etsy. We stopped off for lunch at a pizza place and then went on to the theatre.

The Savoy Theatre is covered in scaffolding at the moment but there is a big banner outside so it was easy to find. In the lobby there is a stand selling some merchandise such as “I’m a Massive deal” tote bags for £20 and “On Wednesdays We Wear Pink” T shirts , also £20. I have only seen the Lindsey Lohan movie once and wasn’t aware that there has been another film made in 2024 so the catch phrases didn’t mean much to me. There were lots of little girls in the lobby dressed in boucle mini dresses (the Mean Girl uniform) which was surprising to me, I thought the target audience would be much older than six or seven years old.

Although the tickets stated that audience members should arrive by 2pm the theatre was very slow to fill. We had terrific seats but, annoyingly, a huge man sat right in front of me blocking my view so I had to spend the entire performance peering around him. While we waited, the backdrop was back-lit pages of the “burn book” featued in the story which wasn’t very inspiring to sit and look at. Then the show started and we are introduced to the characters of Damian and Janice, the school’s arty, gay outcasts. Damian has a crush on George Michael and this is a running theme in the set design.

If you haven’t seen the film, written by comedy genius Tina Fey, the story revolves around the character of Kady Heron, played by Charlie Burn. Kady has has recently moved to Illonois from Kenya and High School with its different cliques is rather a revelation to her. The school Queen Bee is Regina George, played by Georgina Castle, who presides over The Plastics, a clique of pretty, popular, shallow and insecure “mean girls” who are all desperate to be Regina’s best friend. The most memorable moment of the show was Regina’s majestic entrance onto the stage. Despite being a maths wizard, Kady finds herself damping down her academic ability and morphing into a Plastic herself and decides to topple Queen Regina when they clash over a boy, Aaron.

To be honest the whole production felt slightly amateurish, particularly the dancing, and some of the singing was a little screechy, even from the leads. Georgina Castle, Elena Gyasi (Gretchen) and Grace Mouat (Karen) were the stars of the show and Tom Xander provided the well-timed comic relief. The songs were fun to listen to but, in my opinion not very memorable apart from Karen’s solo “Sexy”. There was one instance were Janice hopped into a scene to clarify what was going on which was irritating and unnecessary. The cast seemed very joyful and genuinely delighted to be there which is always contagious and it is definitely a feel-good production. I enjoyed Mean Girls and so did my daughter, it isn’t a show that I would go and see again but we left the theatre feeling uplifted and entertained.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

The Substance – A Film Starring Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley

On By samanthaIn GOING OUT3 Comments

This review does contain spoilers. The Substance, directed by Coralie Fargeat truly is a bonkers movie. I can’t really think of a more eloquent word to describe it. Bonkers, horrific and, in places, very funny. I haven’t see Demi Moore in a film for over thirty years when she appeared in some of the iconic movies of that era such as Ghost and Indecent Proposal . Margaret Qualley (who is the daughter of Andie McDowell) starred in the fantastic Netflix miniseries about domestic violence and poverty in America, Maid, based on the book of the same name by Stephanie Land. I heard Moore speaking on BBC Radio Four’s Women’s Hour about her role as Elisabeth Sparkle in The Substance. She was so engaging during the interview, several listeners rang in with questions and she seemed genuinely delighted to hear from them and provided thoughtful and comprehensive answers. I asked a friend if she’d like to see the film at the cinema but, annoyingly, it wasn’t showing locally so I ended up watching on Amazon Prime with a Mubi subscription.

The Substance is a commentary on aging in Hollywood. More specifically, women aging in Hollywood. Elisabeth Sparkle is a TV fitness star, she has a show where she works out, Jane Fonda style, with a team of back up dancers. On her fiftieth birthday Elisabeth, all swishy dark hair and blingy sunglasses, meets Harvey, the oily big boss at the TV network for lunch. Harvey is brilliantly played by Dennis Quaid. Harvey sits in front of Elisabeth eating a dish of shrimp in the most stomach-churning manner and explains to her that she is all washed up. He says it “stops” at fifty for women. Elisabeth asks what stops but Harvey just moves onto schmoozing with somebody more important than her. Harvey himself is as old, if not older, than Elizabeth but of course the washed-up rules don’t apply to him and his cohort of white, old men that also run the network. Elisabeth is so upset by the lunch that she crashes her car on the way home and ends up in the Emergency Room where she meets a dashing young doctor who slips a note into her pocket. This is Elisabeth’s invitation to try The Substance, a black market drug that promises a person can become the best version of themselves using some sort of cell replication process.

Now, I had no idea what to expect when I sat down to watch and it did come as something as a surprise to find that this is actually a horror film with some very graphic scenes. Elisabeth receives a list of instructions for using The Substance and one of these is Remember, you are one. Elisabeth injects herself and then the viewer is treated to her eyeballs multiplying and her back splitting open and another human being steps out of the gaping wound in the shape of Margaret Qualley. Elisabeth is left lying in an unresponsive heap on the floor.

In the scenes where Elisabeth is inspecting her aging (but, being Demi Moore, pretty perfect) body in the mirror we see her flat, misshapen bottom. Qualley, whose character settles on the rather unimaginative name Sue, has the most perfect, pert bottom in existence. In fact everything about Sue is so perfect that she seems to radiate youth and vitality through the screen. Sue sews up Elizabeth’s back and it is her turn, for the next seven days, to go out into the world. That’s how it works, Sue has a week of consciousness then Elisabeth has a week. They cannot deviate from this schedule without dire consequences. Sue dons a skimpy, shiny purple leotard, lashings of lip gloss and immediately heads to the studios to apply to be Elisabeth’s replacement. The inappropriate men auditioning all drool over her boobs and perfect buttocks and she lands the role.

Sue, it turns out, has rather impressive DIY skills and builds a concealed room in Elisabeth’s apartment so she can bring people back without them discovering Elizabeth’s comatose body. When it is Elisabeth’s turn to wake up, with a very sore back, she finds that she has been replaced by Sue in the world of TV fitness. There is a giant billboard of Sue right in front of her penthouse window, she cannot escape it. Isn’t this what Elisabeth wanted, another shot at being young and vibrant? Isn’t Sue’s success Elisabeth’s success? Sue, when awake, is thoroughly enjoying all the attention and does not remember that she and Elisabeth are one, she leaves her on the cold floor for longer and longer periods effectively stealing Elisabeth’s remaining youth from her. You may be wondering where the comedy is in all of this but there are some funny scenes. Sue’s interactions with the tongue-tied man in the opposite apartments are hilarious. When Elisabeth wakes up she finds her Louis Vuitton handbags thrown in an old box labelled Elisabeth’s junk. When Sue is doing a filmed work out strange things start to happen to her perfect behind.

There is a lot of gore in The Substance and the film just gets crazier scene by scene. Sue is offered the job of presenting the network’s big New Years Eve show but it is Elisabeth’s turn to be conscious. This is where things start to go very pear shaped to say the least. The ending is horrifying but it is also very funny. I really liked Elisabeth and it was sad that she felt so worthless because some slimy man had judged all women to be finished at fifty. She could not see the beautiful, talented woman looking back at her in the mirror, only the rejected former TV star. Sue is a more one-dimensional character, beautiful, young and ruthless.

I thoroughly enjoyed this interesting and strange film. Moore herself is famous for her multiple plastic surgeries and I think it was brave of her to be so vulnerable and exposed in this role. Qualley, a rising star, brought so much energy to her part and Sue’s desperation to hold onto her new found fame and glamour was palpable. The Substance is a little long at over two hours twenty minutes but it is well worth watching.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

This Week I Have Been…. Gripping Reads, Chilling Viewing & a Spooky Podcast

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Reading – The Woman Who Lied by Claire Douglas

I recently reviewed The Wrong Sister by Claire Douglas which was a real page-turner. The Woman Who Lied is even more gripping, I thought. There are so many inexpensive thrillers available for Kindle, usually described as “completely gripping” and “unputdownable” but so many of them aren’t very well written or have big plot holes. Like most readers, if find a book I enjoy then I am likely to read more of that author’s work.

Emilia is a successful author of nine crime novels featuring a fictional detective called Miranda Moody. The ninth book is just about to be published and Emilia has a surprising storyline planned for the tenth and final novel in the series. The fruits of her labour have bought her a huge home in Richmond which she shares with her second husband, Elliot and her children Jasmine and Wilfy. Emilia’s first husband left her for her former friend Kristen. Ottilie, Emilia’s long standing friend from boarding school lives nearby and often visits so that they can bitch about Kristen. Emilia has recently made a new friend, another mother at at Wilfy’s school, Louise, herself a detective with The Metropolitan Police, a useful contact to have when you’re a crime novelist.

One day, a harassed Emilia is on her way to a meeting with her agent when her bus is evacuated. Something begins to niggle, didn’t the exact same thing happen in one of her early Miranda Moody books? Surely just a coincidence. Then things begin to get really sinister, skylights open by themselves in the house, funeral wreaths are left for Emilia and that’s just the tame stuff. If you have a virtual assistant in your home, especially an Alexa, you may wish to scrap it after reading this book. Unfortunately, in order to find out who is terrorising her, Emilia is going to have to divulge a pretty big secret of her own. Lots of red herrings keep the reader guessing to almost the last page.

Watching –.Baby Ruby on Netfilx

Baby Ruby is listed under the horror section on Netflix and there are many typical horror elements but it is really a film about post natal psychosis. If you are pregnant you may wish to give it a miss. Jo, a French woman living in the US (played by Noemie Merlant), has a successful lifestyle blog, Love, Josephine. Here she posts the usual influencer pictures of herself in pretty outfits, her home looking pristine and healthy meals she has of course rustled up from scratch. Her last post is for her baby shower which she threw for herself as she doesn’t trust anybody else to do it as perfectly as she can. Jo and her husband, Spencer, are excited about their impending arrival, their first baby, and there is no reason to think anything is amiss. Then, Jo has an odd encounter with a new mother in a baby store and things begin to unravel.

When she does make an appearance, Baby Ruby herself is the cutest little thing. She looks like she should be wearing the cap of an acorn on her head and be living in a forest as a pixie However, she is a non-stop crier and Jo is soon exhausted. Motherhood has no respect for Jo’s perfectionism. Her colleague impatiently asks when she will be posting a picture of her new baby as the readers (and no doubt sponsors) are waiting in anticipation but Jo just has no interest, she is teetering on the edge of a mental breakdown.

Even at the end of the film it is difficult for the viewer to discern what was real and what formed part of Jo’s delusion. At first it’s not clear whether she has stumbled upon some sort of witches coven or whether it’s all in her head. Is it some sort of Rosemary’s Baby situation or is Jo unwell? I found this film really frightening and didn’t entirely understand the ending but the plot was compelling.

Listened To –Classic Ghost Stories by Tony Walker on Apple Itunes

As it is the month of Halloween it seems fitting to recommend a spooky stories podcast and this one really is top notch. The title of the podcast, Classic Ghost Stories is slightly misleading because the story I listened to today, The Premonition by Lewis Darley, was set in around 2016 and takes place in modern day Bristol so not yet a classic. I particularly enjoyed the fact that Walker interviewed Lewis Darley after the reading and we found out a little about his inspiration and other creative works. Of course most of the authors featured are long since deceased but the stories have stood the test of time. I have enjoyed every one so far, particularly Three Miles Up by Elizabeth Jane Howard and The Work of Evil by William Croft Dickinson. Walker narrates beautifully making this podcast a delight to listen to and I am happy to see there are five seasons so I have a lot of supernatural scariness to catch up on.

.Thanks for reading

Samantha

Cover Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

This Week I Have Been….

On By samanthaIn GOING OUT1 Comment

Reading – The Wrong Sister by Claire Douglas

Ok, so I am fibbing a little because I actually read this book during my trip to Florence and have been meaning to review it ever since. They had a beautiful selection of Penguin Classics at the airport but their font is minuscule so I went for a psychological thriller instead. In fact I bought two but the other one wasn’t worth reviewing.

The sisters in Claire Douglas’s story are Tasha, the rather worn down mother of four year old twins and Alice, a sort of Elizabeth Holmes character who is developing some sort of medical tech with her partner, Kyle. Alice and Kyle live in a glamorous apartment in Venice and offer Tasha and her husband, Aaron a temporary house-swap and insist on looking after the twins. Wonderful thinks Tasha, she and Aaron can have a much needed romantic break and leave the drudgery of every day life behind for a few days..

Like a scene in one of my favourite films, Dont Look Now, Tasha encounters a knife wielding maniac on the streets of Venice but manages to flee. Back at Tasha’s home in a sleepy village Kyle is murdered and Alice is in hospital. What is going on? A note sent to Tasha may throw some light on the terrifying situation. The Wrong Sister is well written with believable characters, interesting family dynamics and a satisfyingly twisty plot. Perfect holiday reading.

Watching – A Perfect Couple on Netflix

Must Nicole Kidman appear in everything? Other actresses are available. Or should that be actors? Set in a stunning home in Nantucket, A Perfect Couple is set around the forthcoming wedding of Benji and Amelia. It is the night of the rehearsal dinner and guests are arriving from far and wide. One of them ends up dead.

Kidman plays Greer, a writer and matriarch, always elegantly dressed in shade of cream and blue by Ralph Lauren and Sezane (I checked out the wardrobe designers YouTube video). Kidman has had so much Botox that she looks less wrinkled than the young women playing her daughter-in-laws, Dakota Fanning and Eve Hewson. Kidman is naturally beautiful but her smooth, waxen face is somewhat distracting as are the odd wig choices. Greer is married to Tag excellently played by Liev Shrieber . Tag is real “old money” and I loved his laid back attitude. The dance sequence at the credits is the best thing about this series. I found the plot lacklustre and couldn’t understand why none of the characters were discussing their theories for who the murderer was . The killer was a bit of a surprise though. If you like beautiful locations and non-demanding viewing then this may be for you.

Listened To – The Price of Paradise on Apple Itunes

The Price of Paradise is such a good story, I could not stop listening. The nice thing about podcasts is they are guilt free entertainment, you can listen and get on with other things at the same time. Narrated by Alice Levine, this is based on a TV documentary (which I haven’t seen but it makes no difference to following this jaw dropping story). Jane Gaskin, a rather exotic free spirit is so bored with her life in the UK that she sells up and buys her very own tiny island in Nicaragua which she renames Janique. Her partner Phil and her young children accompany her. Phil and Jane plan to open a diving centre even though neither of them can swim. The locals have other ideas, and they receive some unwelcome visitors. The story also follows lawyer Maria Acosta who is aggrieved that the islands are being sold off to foreigners by a rather shady businessman. If Jane was looking for adventure she certainly got her wish. The producers of the documentary tell their side of the story but, sadly, Jane didn’t want to participate in the making of the podcast. Nevertheless, it makes for gripping listening.

Thanks for reading

Samantha

Cover Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash