Author: samantha

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A Trip to Great Dixter & Rye

On By samanthaIn GOING OUTLeave a comment

Great Dixter House and Gardens are situated in East Sussex, about eight miles from Rye. The drive there along the A268 is very pretty, the road is lined with picture-postcard worthy homes. You can of course also take the train. Great Dixter is best know for being the home of Christopher Lloyd the famous creator of gardens and author of books about gardening. The house itself is stunning on the outside, an imposing Tudor mansion. Inside there are three rooms open to the public, the Great Hall, The Parlour and The Solar. There are sausage dog ornaments everywhere and bookcases stuffed with Christipher Lloyd books. To be honest there isn’t that much of interest inside but there are tour guides to bring the history of the house to life

I visited Great Dixter with two friends and the first thing we did upon arriving was find the coffee shop. There is only an outside cafe area but the cakes were delicious as was the coffee. We sat shivering as unfortunately the day we visited it was chilly and raining, despite it being late May. I had visited five years previously on a beautiful sunny day and the weather really does make all the difference. We walked around all the different gardens especially admiring the roses, lupins and irises. The planting is dense and very imaginative. On this latest visit everything looked a bit overgrown and there were an awful lot of weeds everywhere. I actually wondered if they should let visitors in for free on the condition that they pull up some of the cow parsley that was infiltrating every flower bed. Adult entry to the house and gardens is £16. You can buy many different plants, horticultural books, gardening tools and little mementoes like tea towels at the small gift shop.

After spending an a couple of hours at Great Dixter we decided to head to Rye for a spot of lunch and a look around. I have never been there before and was delighted to see how quirky the pretty period houses are, they have names like “The House Opposite”. Rye is quite hilly and the streets are cobblestone so wear trainers or sensible shoes if you visit. The cobbles are covered in moss so it is all a little slippery. We had lunch at a Turkish restaurant called Layla. I had a chicken wrap with fries and my friends had the chicken salad, The portions were generous and the food tasty.

After lunch we had a look around the shops. It has been some time since I have seen such a healthy looking high street. There lots of shops and I didn’t spot any nail bars, vape shops or the usual coffee shop chains that make up most high streets in 2024. My friend bought a raffia handbag in a shop called Colette. There is a dress agency selling pre-loved designer clothes and a number of independent boutiques and gift shops. All of the clothes shops were rather expensive in my opinion and they seemed to stock the same sort of thing, linen smocks and wide, floaty dresses, not really my cup of tea. I did spot a lovely cranberry red sweatshirt but it was £106 but so I didn’t buy it.

We had a walk around the town but it was still raining so , after walking the the viewing point situated outside the Castle Museum, we headed home. Rye is a picturesque town to visit with a good variety of shops and restaurants. I imagine there are lots of lovely walks as well, just not on days when there is torrential rain.

A banana plant, the house at Great Dixter, a cobbled street in Rye

Thank you for reading

Samantha

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Legions of Lip Balms

On By samanthaIn HEALTHLeave a comment

My seventeen year old son is taking some medication which is making his skin, and in particular his lips, very dry. He is constantly coating his lips with balm. It is no exaggeration to say he seems to get through a stick a week. His favourite is the Palmers Cocoa Butter Formula. This tastes too chocolatey to me but that’s one thing he likes about it. He says this product is the most effective at keeping his lips moisturised. It sells at around £1.70.

There are so many lip balms available it is difficult to know which one to choose. My son tends to lose them often so I am not going to be buying him anything costing over £5. For myself, I used to buy the little tins of Vaseline Lip Therapy, a bargain at around £1.25. but I began to find my lips were ridiculously dry if I left the product off even for one day. I did particularly like their tinted Rosy Lips shade though. When I am out and about I think a stick is more hygienic than a pot of something that I keep dipping my, possibly germy, finger into.

I have been impressed by the Dr Paw Paw balms which contain SPF 20 and come in a squeezy tube. I have some discoloration around my mouth, something that appeared during my pregnancies so I do like to make sure this area is protected from the sun. I particularly like their peachy shade which does not feel gloopy or sticky at all. It provides a very subtle shine. If you don’t like to wear lip gloss or lipstick then this is a good option. These sell at around £4.

My daughter likes the Burts Bees balms which come in all sorts of different flavours and there are tinted versions too. I particularly like their peppermint balm. I do find these a little sticky but they are very effective at moisturising and good for leaving on overnight. There are lovely boxed sets available which make nice little presents if your teenager has a party to go to and you don’t want to spend a fortune on a gift.

When choosing a lip balm I am looking for something moisturising but not sticky feeling. I recently bought the Nivea 24 Hour Moisture Hydro balm which smells lovely and is not sticky but I didn’t find it at all effective on the hydration front. A pity because I am usually impressed with Nivea products. I also wasn’t keen on Neutrogena Norwegian Formula Lip Care balm either, it didn’t seem very moisturising and my lips felt dry shortly after applying it.

If you are willing to spend more money then I can recommend Chanel Rouge CoCo Baume which is a hefty £36. I did buy this once and it was a beautiful product to use and of course the packaging is gorgeous. It doesn’t appear to contain any SPF though. Or you could spend a whopping £62 on La Mer’s The Lip Balm which has amazing reviews on the Harvey Nicholas website. A friend of mine has been buying Gayle Hayman’s Lip Lift for years. It is a lip conditioner that is supposed to fight the appearance of fine lines around the mouth. QVC sell them in packs of two for £36.

So my verdict is, if you have a teenager who loses a lip balm a week, go for Palmers Cocoa Butter Formula or a minty Burts Bees. If you are treating yourself splash out on Chanel or try the reasonably priced Dr Paw Paw for shiny but not sticky lips.

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Header Photo by  Brittney Weng  on Upslash

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The Tower of London & The GunPowder Plot Immersive Experience

On By samanthaIn GOING OUTLeave a comment

I am always on the look-out for something different to do in London. We live about a half an hour train journey from central London and I try to get there at least every couple of months. I love the village where I live but it is very quiet and sometimes it is nice to feel the buzz of the city. Last year myself and a friend went to The War Of The Worlds Immersive Experience in Aldgate which was great fun so I have been searching for something similar.

I used to work for a merchant bank located at Tower Hill but have only been to the Tower of London once before, as a very small child. I decided to book tickets for the GunPowder Plot Experience followed by a tour of The Tower of London. It is not an inexpensive day out, tickets for both came in at around £90 each and then there were the train fares as well. I booked tickets for the experience via Fever https://feverup.com/en/london

If you plan on doing both The GunPowder Plot Experience and the Tower of London in one day I would recommend you do the plot first and book an early slot, 11am or before in order to fit everything in. The Beefeater led tours of the tour stop surprisingly early, we got on the last one of the day which was around 3pm. Our GunPowder Plot Experience was booked for 11.30am, for some unfathomable reason we were told to arrive half an hour early, ten minutes would have been plenty of time to stash our belongings in a locker and sign the waiver. There was a fair bit of waiting around in the bar before the experience began but it gave us time to visit the spotless loos. The venue is cashless so bear this in mind if you want a drink at the interval although you can order and pay for one whilst booking.

The GunPowder Plot Experience lasts around one hour and forty minutes and takes you through the events leading up to the execution of Guy Fawkes and his collaborators in 1605. It is a history lesson brought to life. I definitely learnt some new facts about this period. A group of participants, there were around ten of us, were given black, hooded cloaks to wear and are then led through a warren of murky passages by actors playing various characters. The participants visit houses, cellars, dungeons and churches. The actors were really wonderful and the whole experience is extremely atmospheric. There was a dad with a young son of about nine years old in our group and I did wonder if the lad would be frightened but he thoroughly enjoyed himself as did one American participant who got so into the spirit of the occasion that we weren’t sure if he were actually one of the actors. – he wasn’t.

Me wearing the rather smelly black cloak I was given upon arrival

There are a few points in the experience where the participants don virtual reality headsets and find themselves transported across the Thames or watching the night skies of London. There is one where a tortured priest is flown across the sky to supposed safety . These are very effective and quite creepy, in a good way. If you look to the person next to you on the boat you will see the other participant transformed into a dark figure wearing a plague mask. The entire experience was thoroughly enjoyable and great fun. Do bring a sweater, everybody was complaining that they were chilly in the understandably rather dank venue. The venue for the experience was a bit tricky to find, don’t walk down to the Tower itself, head for the ticket office and it is right next door. The GunPowder Plot Experience is enough by itself for a trip out, you could come back another day and see The Tower. I’d thoroughly recommend it and I thought it was good value for money.

After the experience we had a lovely lunch in the nearby Pizza Express and then returned to look around The Tower of London. The sun was shining and a Beefeater, also called a Yeoman Warder, named Tracey Machin took us on a tour. She was a fantastic speaker and really entertaining. She clearly felt her role was a huge honour and explained that she had been a nurse in the RAF for twenty two years before becoming a Beefeater . We learned about the various sad and grisly executions that had taken place hundreds of years ago and the reasons for them. After the tour we looked around the various buildings by ourselves, there is a huge exhibition of armour and armoury and of course the world famous crown jewels. I assume they are the real jewels and not replicas given the thickness of the vault doors but it does seem unlikely that these would be on display. Anyway they were all dazzlingly beautiful.

Tracey Machin, the Beefeater

At 5pm sharp everything started closing up which is why I suggest starting your day early if you wish to fit both things in one day. Sadly the gift shop closed and I was unable to waste £20 on a Jellycat corgi keyring. We did manage to buy some Palace Mints at a little kiosk though.

I would say that The GunPowder Plot Experience is suitable for ages ten and up, depending on the child. The Tower of London itself is a fascinating place to visit for any age. Both venues together were well worth the £90 price tag, less expensive tickets may be available depending when you wish to go.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

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Fruity Fashion & Strawberry Shirts

On By samanthaIn SHOPPINGLeave a comment

I don’t think of myself who wears a lot of prints, certainly not in the cooler months. but going through my summer wardrobe I see that I actually have lots of printed tops and, strangely, most of them appear to be fruit-themed. I have a batwing top with peaches on from Apricot Clothing, a dress with lemons on from Coast, cherry print PJs from Marks and Spencer and now I have a lovely strawberry shirt from Boden.

After my disastrous attempts at trying to buy some new trousers that actually suit me (see my post Wide Leg Woes ) I decided to refresh my wardrobe by treating myself to some new tops, all purchased online. The first one I bought was from a brand called Pieces, available from ASOS, a pink and white candy-striped formal style shirt with a strawberry design for £36. I bought my daughter a few things from this brand when she was doing her work placement in a London office and the quality is fantastic, especially given the reasonable price point. The cotton on this shirt is beautifully satiny but my youngest son (yes, I made the mistake of asking the opinion of my family again) said it looks like a pyjama top and it is also far too wide. I wish brands would stick to proper sizing and take the guess work out of XS, S, M, L etc. I also ordered from ASOS a strawberry print cardigan from Miss Selfridge for £27 but the quality of this isn’t so good and it doesn’t fasten at all which I know would find annoying so both these things go back.

I then take a look at what Boden have to offer. I used to buy a lot of their clothes, especially their cotton shirts and winter coats but then it got to the point where I seemed to have seen all their designs a hundred times before. Their clothing isn’t inexpensive but it lasts forever, I still have a navy blue wool coat with an applique design around the hem which I must have bought almost twenty years ago. I also used to love their children’s clothes, especially what they used to call their lamby-fleeces and the pretty halter-neck dresses that I bought for my daughter when she was tiny. Come to think of it, she also had a pair of strawberry print trousers edged in gingham from Boden. For myself, I decided to order their “Strawberry Pop” Sienna shirt. It was £55 but with the discount code I paid £49.50. It has arrived and it is so cheerful without being too much of a statement – I love it! The print is the header for this blog post. I am five feet eight inches tall and the sleeves are the perfect length which is unusual. I plan to wear it with my new Zara chinos.

After the cold, gloomy and very long winter, it is nice to have something bright to wear . Even my sons liked my new shirt and that is really saying something!

From left to right, Pieces shirt from ASOS, Miss Selfridge cardigan from ASOS and Sienna shirt from Boden

Thank you for reading

Samantha

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The Dementia Diaries – Chapter Nine – It’s Awkward

On By samanthaIn THE DEMENTIA DIARIESLeave a comment

Do you come from the sort of family that “talks about things”? I don’t. It sometimes makes things difficult when it comes to dealing with my elderly parents. For example, I have absolutely no idea what sort of funerals they would like. Mum is a Christian and Dad is an atheist, or maybe he is an agnostic, I don’t even know that! Of course I could die before either of them but the chances are it will be up to me and my brother to organise things when they do pass away. I don’t feel able to broach the topic with Dad. He will just say it will upset Mum if she hears. Obviously nobody wants to think about the people they love dying but it happens to all of us and, at almost ninety years old, you’d think Dad would have given it some thought.

My gregarious aunt has already told me she wants a huge “do”, Frank Sinitra’s “My Way” playing, expensive mahogany coffin and speeches galore. She would like a fully-catered reception at the local golf club which is what my uncle had. She has no children and, as I am not her executor I will gladly let somebody else organise all of that. My parents are very quiet people and, at this time of their lives, most of their friends have already died or have dementia. It is horribly sad. My Dad called an old friend who he met when doing National Service and this man, an incredibly talented artist, sounded totally befuddled. His own wife had recently died after a drawn-out decline with dementia, it was the first time that Dad realised that people actually die from this hideously cruel disease. The man’s daughter later sent Dad a lovely card saying that the chap now has dementia and has moved in with her and her family. She invited Dad to get in touch at any time. Poor Dad and his poor friend.

Fortunately, I have only been to a few funerals myself. My grandmother’s was lovely because Dad gave such a beautiful talk about her knowledge of wildflowers. There were only a few of us there but we were all people who really loved her. My uncle’s was a huge production, I gave the eulogy and honestly had to calm myself down when I saw so many people arriving at the crematorium. My Godmother died during Covid, I had to watch her funeral online.

Apparently the average cost of a funeral in the UK is almost £5,000. It’s a lot of money for some people to find. Many people take out funeral plans but these do not always represent good value for money , many things are not included such as the burial plot, flowers, order of service etc. When my grief-stricken aunt went to organise my uncle’s funeral one lady working at an undertakers didn’t even look up from her desk, she just barked at my aunt “prepaid”? My aunt walked out in disgust. There is a government scheme in place for those in hardship , the Funeral Expenses Payment, details are on the Gov.UK website.

Of course as well as the choice of being buried or cremated a person can also donate their body to science. I am not sure I would fancy being the cadaver for a medical student but it seems quite noble I suppose and probably avoids a lot of expense!

I really don’t feel comfortable broaching the topic of funerals with Dad. I don’t know how to bring the subject up and I feel it is really up to him to let me know. I am chatting to a friend about this when she tells me to look at the Age UK website as they have downloadable PDFs dedicated to funeral wishes and other end-of-life planning, the link is below. As for me, I will be quite happy to be put in a cardboard box. Whatever causes my family the least amount of stress and expense is fine with me.

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/end-of-life-planning/

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Cover Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

Wide-Leg Woes

On By samanthaIn SHOPPING1 Comment

I am in my mid-fifties. When should I start dressing like an older woman? What does that even mean? Beige polyester slacks and an anorak, those shoes that do up with velcro? I have been dressing the same way for the past decade at least. Most days it is skinny jeans, sweater and boots in the winter and skinny jeans with a linen top in the spring/summer. I rarely wear dresses or skirts during the day, I buy them but it has to be really hot for me to abandon my usual uniform. Am I too old to wear jeans? I hope not but I would like to smarten up a little bit.

I have several pairs of jeans, mostly from Mint Velvet, but they all look identical. I desperately need a style refresh. My daughter tells me no-one wears skinny jeans anymore. So, I take the plunge and order some wide leg navy blue trousers from Boden, a company which I used to shop with all the time but I can’t remember when I last placed an order. The style is called Westbourne. They are £80 but Boden always have a discount code and I pay £60. The trousers arrive and are such good quality, the fabric drapes beautifully. It feels very strange to have so much fabric swirling around my legs. I go downstairs to show my husband who makes the helpful remark “why are you wearing Lionel Blairs?” Of course Lionel Blairs is Cockney rhyming slang for flares. I immediately package up the trousers, ready for return.

Boden “Westbourne” Trousers

Back to the drawing board, I order a cream denim oversized jacket from Mango for £35 and some flowy but straight leg jersey trousers. I also order two pairs of tailored chinos from Zara, one full length and one three-quarter length. Annoyingly the Zara trousers aren’t properly sized, so I have to guess at a size small. I also add a couple of their basic T shirts to my basket, £8.99 each. When the Mango trousers arrive I try them on and really like them. I show my oldest son and ask what he thinks. He looks concerned, as if it is a trick question. “Fine” he mutters but my husband has appeared and they share a little sideways glance. My son then says I shouldn’t wear trousers that are five times wider than my (skinny) legs. Great, thanks a lot. I suppose I did ask! I don’t ask anyone else’s opinion when I try on the chinos and decide to keep the navy pair even though I don’t love them, they will do. The cream jacket, which looked so good on the model, just looks scruffy on me so that goes in the returns pile too.

Mango “Flowy, Straight-Fit” trousers

So, after all that effort I have a couple of cheap T Shirts and a pair of OKish chinos. If I were wealthier perhaps I could go and see a personal shopper but I think that is rather beyond my budget and I would probably end up buying a lot of clothes I don’t actually like, just to be polite. I need to go through my wardrobe, donate about seventy five percent of the contents to the charity shop and see if I can start to wear the rest, especially the summer dresses.

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Header Photo by Harper Sunday on Unsplash

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The Dementia Diaries – Chapter Eight – Vultures & The Vulnerable

On By samanthaIn THE DEMENTIA DIARIESLeave a comment

This would usually be under one of my This Week I have Been… posts but all I have been doing this week, outside of working and sorting out multiple issues for my mum and dad, is listening to a BBC Sounds Podcast – Intrigue – Million Dollar Lover. I have been absolutely engrossed in this true and very sad story of the romance between Carolyn, an eighty year old widow and fifty seven year old Dave, a homeless, ex-crystal meth addict. Oh, and did I mention that Carolyn is a multi millionaire? Predictably Carolyn’s two daughters, Sally and Susan do not approve of this drifter coming in and setting up home with their mother, and who can really blame them? As tensions rise it looks like there is a possibility that Dave might inherit Carolyn’s entire estate.  Carolyn is absolutely besotted with Dave and there seems no doubt that, despite his drinking and quick temper, he is making her happy. It is she that invites him into her bed and he almost just seems to go along with the arrangement. Is this real love or is something darker afoot?

Intrigue – Million Dollar Lover is written by Winifred Robinson who, Radio Four listeners will be familiar with from her work on You and Yours. The presenter is Sue Mitchell who lives in the same road as Carolyn in the wealthy Californian town of Cayucos. Dave was doing some work on Sue’s house and was friendly with her next door neighbour who has introduced Carolyn and Dave. It must have been difficult for Sue to remain impartial when she was actually involved in the every day lives of these people but she shows great empathy with all involved, especially Dave’s daughter’s Cody and Amber who have really had the most awful childhood because of Dave’s heartless and selfish behaviour. Amber’s story is simply staggering. Meanwhile, Carolyn’s daughters could teach a masterclass in how not to behave when your mum takes up with a potential bamboozler. Sue recorded the podcast in her own time mistakenly thinking it would be some light relief from the stories of “violence and exploitation” which she so often reports on.

Financial abuse of elders is incredibly common, Sue Mitchell describes it as a silent epidemic. When I worked for an estate agent I spoke to the niece of a vendor who was very upset that the property had to be sold in order that her uncle, the owner, could go into a care home. The uncle lived in Kent and the niece in Scotland so understandably she was not able to offer much in the way of day to day practical help and she felt very guilty about this. The niece told me that she had employed a half a dozen different carers and that every single one of them had stolen from her uncle. Now this seems vey unlucky and I am sure there are many carers out there who do a wonderful job of looking after the people they are paid to help. Years ago, when my lovely grandmother was alive, a local man offered to mow the miniscule square of grass that made up her garden, he said he’d love to help her out. He charged her a week’s pension. I have mentioned in another post that roofers climbed on my elderly aunt’s property without her knowledge, dislodged some tiles and then tried to extract money from her to repair it. She had to spend several hundred pounds calling out a reputable company to fix the damage. The same aunt is a bit of a Facebook addict and will engage in online chat with anybody, I suppose she is lonely. She posts mostly on missing dog pages and then strangers send her private messages which she replies to, fortunately she abandons the conversation when they raise the prospect of her sending them some money. When her Facebook account was hacked I got the job of recovering it. Her messenger had been spamming her friends list and, as I tried to resolve this, I was horrified to see that people who she has known for years and considered friends were messaging her saying things like they were surprised my aunt had only sent a small amount of money for their grandson’s twenty first birthday, perhaps she could see her way to sending another, bigger cheque. My usually very confident aunt was amazingly meek and compliant in her replies and even apologised profusely, she did also send further funds . The cheek of these people. My aunt has no children and I believe it is her intention to leave her estate to The Dog’s Trust but these people are constantly circling. One couple, in their fifties, persuaded her to drive them the twenty five miles to Gatwick airport, they have three grown up children but decided to ask a frail, eighty-nine woman stating that they could not afford a taxi (although they could afford a fortnight in Spain). They even let her lift the suitcases and then, two weeks later she collected them. They offered no contribution towards fuel. Afterwards my aunt rang me, very upset and said that she felt silly for letting them take advantage of her that way. What parasites, I was furious when she told me – perhaps not exactly financial abuse but I feel they deserve a special mention.

My mother-in-law has had money stolen from her more times than I can count, more than a hundred thousand pounds. She lost most of it through a time-share scheme advertised in the back of the Daily Mail a decade or so ago. The properties were not even built. For as long as she is judged to have capacity there is nothing my husband or his brothers can do about it, she will not listen to their warnings. Last week a man charged her four hundred pounds to put up one shelf, it wasn’t even straight. For a woman who grew up in the East End of London she is remarkably gullible. In Million Dollar Lover – Sue Mitchell discussed research which has shown that, as we age, our ability to make sound financial decisions diminishes along with our eyesight and reaction time. Carolyn’s daughters wanted to protect her fortune by having her declared as lacking the mental capacity to manage her own affairs, but Carolyn passed the memory tests. I know from my own mum that, for years, the tests she had at the memory clinic gave a result of her having just mild cognitive decline when it was clear to us, her family, that her condition was far worse than that.

Million Dollar Lover is absolutely addictive listening, there are ten episodes and you will find yourself constantly changing your mind about the motives of those involved. I listen to a lot of BBC podcasts, the thriller Tracks, probably being my all time favourite, but I had never come across Intrigue before. There are seven different seasons, all different stories, that I can now look forward to listening to

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001t3nf – Intrigue – Million Dollar Lover on BBC Sounds

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Cover Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

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Haircut Heartbreak

On By samanthaIn HEALTHLeave a comment

When I was a little girl my mum used to take me to have my super-fine hair cut at the hairdresser at the top of our road in Hornchurch, “La Vivienne”. Mum would lament the fact that she had lovely thick, curly hair and here was her daughter with fine “can’t do thing with it” hair. Vivienne would agree and I would sit there feeling ashamed. VIvienne would complain that my hair was knotty and my Mum would nod sadly. I really feel sad for my five year old self when I remember this and these visits undoubtedly contributed to a life-long inferiority complex about my hair and looks in general. When I was eight we went to visit my Mum’s Auntie Nora who lived in Southport. I had never met her before and, upon being introduced, Nora remarked sharply that my hair was untidy. Mum immediately took me to a nearby hairdresser and my hair was cut into a “Purdy”, a style named after Joanna Lumley’s character in The Avengers. I was then re-presented to Nora to see if I was now acceptable. Once I reached the age of ten Mum made me have my hair cut very short. I hated it and the other girls would ask why my hair was cut like a boys. No wonder I had such little self-confidence growing up.

As a child the only hair product we had in the house was Johnson & Johnson’s “No More Tears” shampoo. I can’t remember washing my hair more than once or twice a week and it became greasy very quickly. When I was fifteen I purchased some lemon shampoo in Boots and began washing my hair every other day and it was suddenly SO much better. Between the ages of sixteen and twenty one it was usually permed at a salon in Romford Market which gave it a bit of life. Who remembers scrunch-drying their permed hair with a diffuser attachment? At twenty one I went to a very posh hairdresser in Elm Park and began to have it hi-lighted. The hairdresser was called Melanie and she was lovely. For the first time in my life I felt like my hair actually looked good. I had a well-paid job at the time and only used Paul Mitchell products. Having hair professionally coloured is a pricey business and it is probably still my biggest personal expense. A few years ago I went to a local hairdresser who declared that hi-lights are “brassy not classy” and persuaded me to have an all-over tint. It came out orange and I never went back. I actually don’t think she knew how to properly hi-light hair.

Me, aged eighteen, with my permed hair

Until the pandemic I would wash and blow dry my hair almost every day. Now it is every other day. It is still a huge chore although it dries quickly. A friend of mine can wash her hair fortnightly and it still looks bouncy and clean. It really isn’t fair. My hair is in a perpetual blonde bob of variable length, I suspect I will be wearing this way when I am eighty, if I live that long. My favourite Elvive shampoo has just been discontinued so I am using some Treseme that I picked up in the supermarket. The conditioner is actually perfect, very lightweight and rinses out easily.

So the moral of this story is be careful how you speak about your children especially when they are within earshot. If someone is unkind about them take your business elsewhere. If an elderly relative deems your child to be unacceptably unkempt then leave their stuffy old living room never to return.

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Header Photo by Adam Winger on Unsplash

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The Dementia Diaries – Chapter Seven Another Birthday

On By samanthaIn THE DEMENTIA DIARIESLeave a comment

It’s my Dad’s eighty-ninth birthday. Considering he had a heart attack a year ago he is doing well. He is still doing the most wonderful job of looking after my mum, never complaining and always cheerful. I try to see my parents on their birthdays but this year I am very pushed for time as I have an appointment in London. I pop in at around 11am with cards and the very unimaginative gift of an Amazon voucher. Dad recently discovered Amazon and it has been very useful as it is now near impossible for him and mum to go to the shops. Dad answers the door and I can see Mum in the kitchen already looking confused. She hasn’t had breakfast yet, Dad has told me that she is sleeping more now. I say Good Morning to her and point out that it is Dad’s birthday. She smiles and nods but I can tell she either couldn’t hear me or didn’t comprehend what I had said. Last year Dad bought himself a “to my husband” birthday card and got Mum to sign it but he hasn’t done that this year. I feel dreadful, Dad hasn’t got a card from Mum. I bought cards for my children to sign but forgot about getting one from her. Even those of us without dementia can’t remember everything all the time can we?

Dad opens the cards and I am very touched to see the beautiful message my twenty year old daughter has written for him. He has quite a few cards from old friends who he keeps in touch with. Mum looks at the cards, commenting on the lovely illustrations, but makes no mention of the fact that it is her husband’s birthday. The cards go on the window sill along with some Christmas cards that should have been taken down months ago and cards from Mum’s birthday back in February. I suggest putting some of the Christmas cards in the recycling but Mum won’t hear of it.

I tell my parents that I have a GP appointment about my migraines and Mum starts to suggest that she attend along with me. I have to tactfully decline her offer. She then begins her usual routine of asking about their next door neighbours, she asked the same question maybe five or six times within half an hour. The neighbours are in their nineties and the man, who is suffering from Alzheimer’s disease recently had to go into a care home as his wife could not cope any more. My Dad explained this fact to my Mum at the time and, although she doesn’t seem to retain it, something has stuck with her because she keeps asking where he is and then saying “oh no, they’ve put him away”. I hope she doesn’t say this to the man’s lovely wife who has been struggling for a few years now and desperately needed some help. In fact she has just had a nasty fall down the stairs and is in hospital herself. “Put him/her away” is a phrase my aunt uses as well when talking about care homes. Her good friend has just died after just two months in a home. She had several bad falls whilst a resident but the cause of death was related to her not taking her daily heart medication. Surely that is something the nursing staff should have been overseeing? Isn’t that partly why the cost of her care was in excess of £8,000 per month?

My parents managed the short walk into the village and had a coffee in the cafe and that was the extent of Dad’s birthday celebrations. My brother visited later in the week and a childhood friend of Dad’s popped in so it wasn’t a complete non-event. Here is hoping he will be here next year to celebrate his ninetieth.

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Cover Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

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Film Review – Mothers’ Instinct

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This review contains spoilers. Mothers’ Instinct is a psychological thriller starring Anne Hathaway and Jessica Chastain. Set in the American suburbs of the 1960’s, Hathaway plays Celine and Chastian plays Alice. The director is Benoît Delhomme who is clearly heavily inspired by Alfred Hitchcock. Alice is styled like Hitchcock’s favourite leading lady, Tippi Hedren with her blonde hair in a french twist and her strappy sundresses. Obviously Hathaway and Chastain are both ridiculously beautiful and they are permanently dressed in ultra-feminine dresses, usually revealing unblemished shoulders and décolletage. Celine even wears six inch stilettoes to do the vacuuming.

Alice and Celine are next door neighbours and good friends, they are both stay at home “moms”, married to successful and handsome men. Alice is married to Simon, played by Anders Danielsen Lie, some sort of accounts executive, and Celine’s husband is Damian, played by Josh Charles. I found Josh Charles a little distracting because he reminds me so much of ex British Prime Minister, David Cameron. Damian is a doctor and Celine is happy to stay at home full time and look after her only child, eight year old Max. Alice and Simon also have an eight year old son, Theo, who is brilliantly played by Eamon Patrick O’Connell. Alice has aspirations to return to her career in journalism but Simon is unsupportive of this and makes some patronising suggestions that maybe she could help out at the boy’s school newspaper. We learn that Celine is unable to have any more children and that Alice has only had one child by choice, Simon would like to have more.

Mothers’ Instinct did have me hiding behind my hands at some points but then I am a lightweight when it comes to scary films. The clues are a bit heavy handed in places. My son and husband are both anaphylactic and it amazes me how potentially fatal food allergies have become such tropes in films and books. Theo is allergic to peanuts and Alice understandably lives in fear of him accidentally ingesting something containing nuts.

Everything is picture perfect in suburbia, Celine drives her gleaming car with Max and Theo, in the back seat, the three of them singing Did You Ever See a Lassie loudy in preparation for a school concert. Celine spends more time looking over her shoulder than at the road and I was sure this is when disaster would strike but no, they made it home to their huge homes without incident.

The couples do a fair bit of socialising in each others homes, decanters and canapes are always at hand and it did seem like wife-swapping may be on the cards but then a dreadful accident befalls Max and everything changes. Does Celine blame Alice for not saving Max or is that just in Alice’s imagination? I was irritated by the fact that there are four main characters and two of them have been afflicted by serious mental illness and they are both of the women. Celine’s unravelling is unnerving to say the least but how ill can she really be to be so conniving? Her gaslighting skills are monumental. Damian and Celine seem unable to help each other through their grief and Damian is also falling apart but in a less spectacular fashion. Celine attends Theo’s birthday party in her mourning garb and stands watching everyone else’s child play happily having only laid hers to rest weeks or even days before. Of course this makes everybody uncomfortable and Simon’s mother tries to tactfully suggest that it isn’t the best place for her, which did not go well. So, is Simon right and Alice having a paranoiac episode or is Celine plotting some sort of terrible revenge? Alice takes matters into her own hands to find out and to protect her family.

I enjoyed Mothers’ Instinct although it was a bit clunky in places. I did not see the ending coming and found it satisfactorily shocking. I loved the glamour of the film which was a remake of a Belgium film, Duelle. Chastain and Hathaway were both wonderful in their roles and complimented each other perfectly and it is refreshing to see two women take to lead.

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Cover Photo by Myke Simon on Unsplash