Month: November 2024

The Substance – A Film Starring Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley

On By samanthaIn GOING OUT3 Comments

This review does contain spoilers. The Substance, directed by Coralie Fargeat truly is a bonkers movie. I can’t really think of a more eloquent word to describe it. Bonkers, horrific and, in places, very funny. I haven’t see Demi Moore in a film for over thirty years when she appeared in some of the iconic movies of that era such as Ghost and Indecent Proposal . Margaret Qualley (who is the daughter of Andie McDowell) starred in the fantastic Netflix miniseries about domestic violence and poverty in America, Maid, based on the book of the same name by Stephanie Land. I heard Moore speaking on BBC Radio Four’s Women’s Hour about her role as Elisabeth Sparkle in The Substance. She was so engaging during the interview, several listeners rang in with questions and she seemed genuinely delighted to hear from them and provided thoughtful and comprehensive answers. I asked a friend if she’d like to see the film at the cinema but, annoyingly, it wasn’t showing locally so I ended up watching on Amazon Prime with a Mubi subscription.

The Substance is a commentary on aging in Hollywood. More specifically, women aging in Hollywood. Elisabeth Sparkle is a TV fitness star, she has a show where she works out, Jane Fonda style, with a team of back up dancers. On her fiftieth birthday Elisabeth, all swishy dark hair and blingy sunglasses, meets Harvey, the oily big boss at the TV network for lunch. Harvey is brilliantly played by Dennis Quaid. Harvey sits in front of Elisabeth eating a dish of shrimp in the most stomach-churning manner and explains to her that she is all washed up. He says it “stops” at fifty for women. Elisabeth asks what stops but Harvey just moves onto schmoozing with somebody more important than her. Harvey himself is as old, if not older, than Elizabeth but of course the washed-up rules don’t apply to him and his cohort of white, old men that also run the network. Elisabeth is so upset by the lunch that she crashes her car on the way home and ends up in the Emergency Room where she meets a dashing young doctor who slips a note into her pocket. This is Elisabeth’s invitation to try The Substance, a black market drug that promises a person can become the best version of themselves using some sort of cell replication process.

Now, I had no idea what to expect when I sat down to watch and it did come as something as a surprise to find that this is actually a horror film with some very graphic scenes. Elisabeth receives a list of instructions for using The Substance and one of these is Remember, you are one. Elisabeth injects herself and then the viewer is treated to her eyeballs multiplying and her back splitting open and another human being steps out of the gaping wound in the shape of Margaret Qualley. Elisabeth is left lying in an unresponsive heap on the floor.

In the scenes where Elisabeth is inspecting her aging (but, being Demi Moore, pretty perfect) body in the mirror we see her flat, misshapen bottom. Qualley, whose character settles on the rather unimaginative name Sue, has the most perfect, pert bottom in existence. In fact everything about Sue is so perfect that she seems to radiate youth and vitality through the screen. Sue sews up Elizabeth’s back and it is her turn, for the next seven days, to go out into the world. That’s how it works, Sue has a week of consciousness then Elisabeth has a week. They cannot deviate from this schedule without dire consequences. Sue dons a skimpy, shiny purple leotard, lashings of lip gloss and immediately heads to the studios to apply to be Elisabeth’s replacement. The inappropriate men auditioning all drool over her boobs and perfect buttocks and she lands the role.

Sue, it turns out, has rather impressive DIY skills and builds a concealed room in Elisabeth’s apartment so she can bring people back without them discovering Elizabeth’s comatose body. When it is Elisabeth’s turn to wake up, with a very sore back, she finds that she has been replaced by Sue in the world of TV fitness. There is a giant billboard of Sue right in front of her penthouse window, she cannot escape it. Isn’t this what Elisabeth wanted, another shot at being young and vibrant? Isn’t Sue’s success Elisabeth’s success? Sue, when awake, is thoroughly enjoying all the attention and does not remember that she and Elisabeth are one, she leaves her on the cold floor for longer and longer periods effectively stealing Elisabeth’s remaining youth from her. You may be wondering where the comedy is in all of this but there are some funny scenes. Sue’s interactions with the tongue-tied man in the opposite apartments are hilarious. When Elisabeth wakes up she finds her Louis Vuitton handbags thrown in an old box labelled Elisabeth’s junk. When Sue is doing a filmed work out strange things start to happen to her perfect behind.

There is a lot of gore in The Substance and the film just gets crazier scene by scene. Sue is offered the job of presenting the network’s big New Years Eve show but it is Elisabeth’s turn to be conscious. This is where things start to go very pear shaped to say the least. The ending is horrifying but it is also very funny. I really liked Elisabeth and it was sad that she felt so worthless because some slimy man had judged all women to be finished at fifty. She could not see the beautiful, talented woman looking back at her in the mirror, only the rejected former TV star. Sue is a more one-dimensional character, beautiful, young and ruthless.

I thoroughly enjoyed this interesting and strange film. Moore herself is famous for her multiple plastic surgeries and I think it was brave of her to be so vulnerable and exposed in this role. Qualley, a rising star, brought so much energy to her part and Sue’s desperation to hold onto her new found fame and glamour was palpable. The Substance is a little long at over two hours twenty minutes but it is well worth watching.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

Angry People & How To Avoid Them

On By samanthaIn FAMILYLeave a comment

I had a horrible encounter this week which left me really shaken. My son travels to school by train and, most weekdays, I drive to pick him up. I always do a U turn before parking so that I am facing in the right direction to go home again. So do all the other people collecting commuters. Anyway I checked the road was clear on both side and swung my car round when there was a startling blaring of horn. Another driver, a man of about sixty, had sped right up behind me and was incandescent with rage because I had held his journey up by a nanosecond while I completed my turn. He rolled down his window and spewed the most vile barrage of abuse at me. A sensible person would have just driven off but, I rolled my own window down and asked why he felt the need to be so aggressive. Oh my goodness, he went nuts. The veins in his neck and forehead were bulging and I’m sure he would have like to have hit me. There was a lone woman sitting in the back of his car looking sheepish and I wondered if she was his partner or if he was actually a taxi driver. Anyway I was quite shaken up by his frothing-at-the-mouth behavior but glad it had happened to me and not one of my children. I am sure that he would not have behaved that way had I been a big, burly man. I did also wonder how anyone can go through life sustaining that level of anger, would he go home and take it out of the people he lives with? My dad and my husband are both calm people who I have hardly ever heard raise their voices thank goodness, I’m just not used to being screamed at like that.

Then today I was in the supermarket when the woman behind me began to put her shopping on the conveyor belt before I had unloaded mine. It was a little irritating but I didn’t take much notice. However a couple of her items spilled over onto my own pile and the cashier rang them up as mine. It was easily sorted out and the woman whose shopping it was said “thank goodness you’re not one of those angry people”. Yes, angry people, they are everywhere and they frighten the heck out of me. My aunt, almost ninety, took her dog to the vet and pipped a woman in her twenties to the last parking spot. The young woman called my aunt a wh*re. How disgusting and unnecessary. If one of my kids spoke to an elderly lady in that way I would consider myself a failure as a parent. Again, my aunt, a feisty woman, was very shaken up .

My advice to my children who are all out in the world with these walking time-bombs, is avoid confrontation at all costs. If you are driving and someone irritates you don’t beep them, just let it go. Don’t make eye contact and don’t gesticulate. If you are at a bar or party and you sense the atmosphere become menacing, leave straight away. It’s just not worth it. I remember a man screaming at my mum at a bus stop when I was a very young child, these perpetually furious people have always been amongst us. Yes, they may be having a bad day but there’s no reason to take it out on the rest of us.

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Christmas Gift Ideas for Family and Friends

On By samanthaIn SHOPPINGLeave a comment

I went to the dentist a couple of weeks ago, it was the 26th October and she asked “are you all ready for Christmas?” Huh? Christmas, we hadn’t even had Halloween. This year has flown by and I suppose I need to get organised. It will only be the five of us and my parents for Christmas lunch but I also have my elderly aunt and my parents over sometime in early December.

So gifts, I want to get on with buying them and wrapping them up as they arrive so I am not wrestling with the Sellotape for hours on end. I would like to say the presents I choose are all sourced from local businesses and, before I went back to work, that would be the case but now I have no time to go to the shops so they are mostly bought online. For my elderly relatives I now stick to Marks and Spencer vouchers and they can spend them on nice food if they wish. Here are my picks for other gifts for 2024:

Girls older teens/early twenties

Earrings, not very expensive because they lose them but no so cheap they will turn their ears green. I have chosen these nine carat gold studs from QVC, I bought them when they were on special offer, they are currently £75 which is a little expensive for a stocking filler. They will look nice with my daughter’s suits when she is on her new work placement.

Travel Jewellery Box from Oliver Bonas, because I always have to buy something when I go in to this shop, they sell so many pretty things. These boxes are reduced at the time of writing. They come in lots of pretty designs and are a useful, inexpensive gift for just about anyone.

Joggers from ASOS My daughter plays a lot of sport and all young people seem to live in joggers. Last year I bought her a fleece lined pair but I don’t think they were a hit. These are a little sleeker. I noticed while shopping for these that most of the styles now have wide legs but they’d trip my daughter up if she were wearing them for lacrosse practice.

Teenage Boys

Cash, that’s what they really appreciate but I will also buy some clothes for my younger son. Again, joggers, boys seem to prefer grey. Wide hems seem to be the trend for boys too but I have stuck to the traditional, cuffed style

Crew neck sweatshirt from Uniqlo. My younger son already has one of these in navy and the quality is great. He doesn’t tend to wear hoodies, he likes something a little smarter.

Suitcase, one of my sons is travelling to Australia next year and will need a new case. I was not terribly impressed with my recent purchase from Samsonite so am thinking of ordering this one by brand Americal Tourister from Amazon, Not a brand I am familiar with but this product has almost 1500 excellent reviews and is reasonably priced at £90.

Anti-theft laptop backpack, my older two children take very inexpensive flights where they cram clothes for a week into a backpack because it costs around £100 for them to upgrade to a small suitcase. I purchased two of these from Amazon in grey and in black, they have proved to be a winner so I will buy another for my younger son. My older son takes his into the office as does my daughter when she is on work placement. She said all the girls use similar, no one uses a traditional handbag for work anymore.

I always seem to be buying water bottles and then the lids get lost and they are useless. I am sure there are ten lids under my son’s bed but I daren’t look for fear of what else is lurking there. I will probably buy one or two of these from Chilly’s

Other sure-fire winners are those nylon, fluffy socks, slipper boots, plaid pyjama bottoms in brushed cotton, lip balm sets, body sprays and some of their favorite sweets.

Friends

I have about half a dozen friends that I buy gifts for, usually spending around £30 on average. Most of us complain about the amount of clutter in our homes and I am keen not to add to anyone’s burden of “stuff”.

For my friend who works from home I am going to buy this burgundy Parker Pen. I think it is a useful and elegant gift.

For my friend who takes her dog on lots of chilly walks I am going to buy her this cosy sweatshirt from Marks and Spencer which she can return if she doesn’t like it.

For my friend with whom I just exchange a tiny little gift, I am going to buy her this cute teddy keyring from Harrods. A very little bit of luxury.

So, an expensive and busy time of year, especially for women in my experience. Start writing your cards now, assuming people are still sending Christmas cards given the recent rise in the cost of stamps. My aunt writes her during August. Last year I sat writing ours for so long that my legs went to sleep and , when I tried to stand up, I fell flat on my face, not the best start to the festive season!

Happy Shopping!

Thank you for reading

Samantha

University Work Placement Challenges

On By samanthaIn FAMILYLeave a comment

It is the beginning of November and getting dark at 4pm. I find the approach of winter a little more difficult with every year that passes. The people opposite put a spooky figure onto their garden wall for Halloween and every time I look out of the window I shudder. Hopefully he will be put back in a cupboard soon. Somebody asked me today if I am all ready for Christmas which made me feel a little panicked. The answer is resounding no – I have hardly given Christmas a single thought. Humbug.

I should have gone to the gym today but instead had a bacon sandwich for lunch and sat on the sofa watching Katharine Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart in the wonderful 1951 film African Queen. I actually managed to relax instead of sitting there thinking about all the other things that I should be doing.

My daughter came home from university for one night as she had an interview for her second work placement. She had to prepare a case study, PowerPoint presentation and travel into London. As I have mentioned in an earlier post Heading Back to University , finding these work placements is a stressful process for students and extremely time consuming. They cannot just submit their CV, every position requires a bespoke application. The university is at least a two hour journey from the centre of London which is where many of the companies are based and train travel is expensive, one company did reimburse my daughter the £75 fare. Many of the students apply to multiple companies and it can be confidence destroying if they receive a few rejections. Not finding a placement is not an option on this course so they have to keep on going down the list provided by the university. My daughter attended one interview where she was questioned by a panel of four people then asked to complete some maths papers, the position went to someone else on her course. This time she was up against her friend and housemate. My daughter’s friend was interviewed and gave her presentation but my daughter was only interviewed. When she got home she had to hurriedly pack her bag and head back out as she is finally getting away for a few days. Before she left she received a call from the university placement officer saying she had been offered the position. I could see the tension leave my daughter’s body but she immediately started worrying about her friend who will have to keep on searching.

My mother-in-law has now been in hospital for a month with pneumonia. She cannot go home until her carers have been trained in using a nebuliser. My husband said she appears astonishly calm and we suspect that she is being given some sort of sedative. It’s difficult to believe one of the busiest hospitals in London can spare a bed for this long but the real worrying will start when she goes home and begins the cycle of not letting her carers in or shouting at them so much that they refuse to return. She will be ninety years old tomorrow and her other sons have travelled from their homes abroad to spend some time with her.

So some little wins this week, my daughter has her placement and I managed to enjoy a lazy couple of hours. Hopefully my daughter won’t spend her week in the sun cathing up with her university work and will come back feeling refreshed.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

The spooky, and quite frankly sinister, view from my windows.