Month: July 2024

With Love and Squalor

On By samanthaIn FAMILYLeave a comment

It is a beautiful day and I am not working.  It is 10am and I have already hung two loads of washing out on the line, popped to the supermarket to do some never-ending food shopping and dropped off an online return for my daughter.  As usual, I can’t relax.  I sit out in the garden and call my friend in the Isle of Wight for a catch up, we chat for fifteen minutes.  I then decide to sit and read my current book and chill out under the parasol.  Except that I remember how smeared the mirrors in the house are, they need a good polish, and the rug in the drawing room has soot on it, that needs a vacuum, the fridge door needs a spritz of Dettox and a wipe-down….  Why am I sitting, doing nothing, when my house is a squalid tip? OK, it’s not actually a squalid tip, just not the gleaming show home I would like it to be.   I head inside and start wearing myself out doing jobs that will only need repeating in day or two. What a waste of a sunny day.

For a few years I worked for a posh estate agent. It was my job to do the the viewings in the new build “luxury homes”, a job I thoroughly enjoyed most of the time. Everything was always gleaming and glossy but I would come home and my own house would look…tired. I live in a property built in 1760, it’s full of crooked angles and gappy floorboards. The local spiders make themselves right at home and invite their friends. At 265 years old my home is entitled to look a little knackered I suppose. I’m fifty five and some days I look quite knackered myself.

Most of my friends employ a cleaner.  I did have a succession of cleaning ladies, and one chap, when my children were younger.  Two were wonderful but several were just awful.  If I paid for four hours cleaning, I’d be lucky to get two.  I would always tidy before they came, clean the loo and offer tea or coffee every hour, in the end it was just easier, not to mention cheaper, to do it myself.  One local girl, who I nicknamed Lucy Lightfingers, stole from me. It was such a shame because I know she needed the job and I turned a blind eye when it was just dishwasher tablets and washing powder but soon money began to disappear and that’s not OK. In fact I see that she has set up an online business selling pre-loved designer handbags, possibly filched from the wardrobes of her clients.  I would quite like my vintage Fendi satchel back, bought with my hard-earned overtime money, in 1997.

When I visit certain friends, their houses are always pristine, how do people manage it when they have families?  It makes me feel inadequate. I do some sort of  housework every single day yet there is always a pile of mystery paperwork on the kitchen dresser, a ring on the glass coffee table where someone (my husband) has ignored the half dozen coasters and a thin layer of dusts forms on my glossy wooden floors no matter how often I clean them.

I try to remember that our homes are meant to be lived in and it is impossible to keep on top of everything all the time. My son had a story book , The Magic Lavatory, about a little boy, Jeffrey, who lived with an aunt who was so house-proud that he wasn’t allowed to play with anything for fear of making a mess, he just sat on the sofa all day until (spoiler alert!!) he was rescued by a magic toilet, nobody wants to live like that. Those of us with nice homes and family to share them with are incredibly lucky. If we have outside space then even more so. We all set ourselves up for failure sometimes by comparing ourselves, our homes, our finances and even our looks unfavourably with others. My seventeen year old son has actually put his M & S sandwich packaging in the bin. You have to celebrate the little wins.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

Makeup Bag and Cosmetics Refresh

On By samanthaIn HEALTHLeave a comment

For my recent birthday a friend gave me a pretty new make up bag from one of my favourite shops, Oliver Bonas. It has taken pride of place on my dressing table and replaced the Clarins freebie that I have been using for years. It also provided a good opportunity for me to go through my cosmetics and throw away some of the embarrassingly ancient, and probably horribly unhygienic, items. I have used the same Nars blusher everyday for about six years and it pained me to throw it away but even the case was falling apart. My optician told me that, in an ideal world, mascara should be replaced every six weeks because of the bacteria that accumulate with each use, definitely time to bin my antique Estee Lauder. I also got rid of my Clinique eyeliners, most of which had lost their caps, and replaced them with one from Lancome in a shade called Bronze. The Lancome is very creamy, easy to blend and the shade is flattering.

I also received a Clarins bronzer as a gift in the lightest shade they sell. I have never used bronzer before. I am very pale and have always thought it would just look too orange on me. I’m also not really sure how to apply it, I had to watch a YouTube video by Ali Andreea, a stunningly beautiful make up artist, to find out. Her tutorials make everything look easy and it is tempting to buy all of the high-end products she uses. The Clarins bronzer is comprised of two shades and the darker colour is definitely too deep for me so half of the product will go to waste. The lighter shade is pretty though when sparingly applied and I like the matte finish. I did buy another Nars blusher though so I am good for six more years!

I have also been trying out This Works Perfect Cleavage & Neck Serum I am not a fan of the fragrance but the product is lovely to use and easily absorbed. My neck feels well moisturised but not sticky after use. Like the rest of the planet, I spend too much time looking at a screen and am keen to avoid the dreaded “tech neck” and hopefully this may help. I have a This Works Stress Check Mood Manager spray in my home office for days when my work email inbox is filling up faster than I can empty it, it’s actually surprisingly effective and the fragrance is beautiful. I will be trying more products from this brand.

So, some successful and much appreciated gifts. Pretty things may not be important but they do make life that little bit nicer.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

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Friends & Frenemies

On By samanthaIn FAMILYLeave a comment

My Dad’s friend of over eighty years, Daphne, died recently, she was eighty eight. She had lived next door-but-one to him in a little village near Herne Bay when they were children during the 1930/40s. She then married a chap called John, also from the same little village. They all went to the tiny village school together. I took Dad to Daphne’s funeral and it was so moving to hear about how they had played in the garden of my grandparent’s little rented cottage all of those decades ago . It isn’t easy to imagine our own parents as children.

My daughter is twenty and, ever since she started nursery school, there has always been some friendship drama or another. Even now they are adults it still goes on although my daughter is the kindest soul you could wish to meet. There are two girls in particular that I would place under the fremeny category. They are real love/hate, competitive relationships. Girls can be incredibly unkind and hurtful to each other as can grown women. You do have to wonder where some people learn to be so nasty. Neither of my sons have ever had similar issues with their friends or perhaps it’s just that they are less willing to talk about their feelings.

I am fortunate enough to have at least half a dozen good friends but life changes over the years and this can impact even the most longstanding friendships. My friend Carrie and I met at a Sunday school party. I was dressed as a 1920s flapper and she was in Welsh national dress, I don’t remember why as she is from Essex! We were eleven. We went to secondary school together and always lived in the same town until 2001 when I moved to Kent. A few years later she moved to the Isle of Wight, a beautiful place but it is an effort to visit. Carrie and I used to take our children to playgroup together, stop at the bakers on the way back to my house where we would buy the most delicious belgium buns on the planet. Happy days! Even when I moved we would speak every day. Now it’s sometimes once a month. We both have part time jobs, aging parents and Carrie is now a very hands-on grandmother. She is busier than ever. I did go and visit her last summer and we had a lovely time just walking along the beach front chatting. If you know someone really well it is easy to pick up where you left off.

A former friend, Angela, was someone I met at work before I was married. We kept in touch and met up when we had our sons at around the same time but I always felt she was slightly judgemental. She claimed her son had never watched television or had eaten anything containing sugar. Oddly, her son knew the names of all the Teletubbies so something was a bit suspect. My oldest son spent a lot of time in hospital over many years and it was a difficult time in my life, especially when I had two, much younger children. Instead of being supportive I remember her ringing and huffing when I explained that my boy was ill again. I realised it was actually boring to her. She went on to tell me about her fabulous holiday in Jamaica and I never heard from her again. I looked her up recently and she is now a person-centred counsellor. I hope she is a better listener to her clients than to her friends.

I think the rules for being a good friend are simple, be genuinely interested in the other person, don’t cancel plans without good reason, only offer your opinion if asked, don’t be insensitive when things are going well for you but they are having a hard time, never criticise their husband or children and buy them a thoughtful gift on their birthday. Easy!

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Cover Photo by Walter Randlehoff on Unsplash

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Birthday Blisters

On By samanthaIn GOING OUTLeave a comment

It was my birthday this week, another year older if not wiser. I don’t usually do very much to celebrate. For my 50th I threw a small party in my garden but, other than that, it is usually just business as usual with perhaps a meal out in the evening. This year my birthday fell on a Tuesday, my day off. My husband had a dentist appointment in London so we decided to meet outside London Bridge station late morning and spend the day in town. I caught the 9.30am train and it was standing room only. At least I don’t look old enough to be offered a seat. It amazes me that people have to be asked to move their bags so that other passengers can sit down, there was much huffing and tutting going on. The train is supposed to take about twenty minutes to reach London Bridge but it would have been quicker to walk (well, not really) as it crawled along at a snail’s pace.

It was a beautiful day so I decided to wear a summer dress by Sugarhill Brighton, a denim jacket from FatFace and white plimsolls from Schuh. Big mistake, huge, as Julia Roberts said to the snooty shop assistant in Pretty Woman. I have worn these plimsolls a few times before and never had a problem but maybe my feet had swollen in the heat, anyway, within half an hour of getting off the train they were rubbing badly. Now I do not have good feet. I won’t go into details but they are not a pretty sight and I loathe buying shoes and trainers. If they are not comfortable it can be such an expensive mistake. For most of the year I wear boots either by Gabor, Next or Russell and Bromley. I literally have one pair of evening shoes and some cheap-as-chips ASOS sandals that are so comfortable I bought multiple pairs. Havaiana flip flops are also a winner although I only wear them in the garden or at the beach. On one trip to Switzerland I was wearing new Birkenstocks, my previous, comfy pair no longer being fit to be seen in public. I had a migraine for the whole trip, possibly because of the altitude, and was taking a lot of painkillers. The tablets did nothing for my head but they must have numbed the pain in my foot because I failed to realise that the new sandals had rubbed a huge, deep hole in my little toe. It took weeks to heal and I nearly fainted when a woman ran over my foot with a trolley in Waitrose.

Back to my birthday outing; I hobbled to a river-front restaurant where we had a coffee. We then went to Borough Market but it was absolutely heaving with people, too busy to do anything other than get pushed along with the crowd. We strolled along Clink Street, where a chase scene in Oliver Twist was filmed, and here my husband gave some American tourists an impromptu history lesson. By this time I was feeling a little grumpy and wishing I had spent the day sitting in the garden. I couldn’t really say anything to my husband though who had taken the day away from work. We had a very overpriced and mediocre pub lunch and headed home. I then popped into see my parents, My mum still knows who I am although I think sometimes she is a little unsure. Dad explained that it was my birthday and she said “many happy returns” then forgot straight away. She did remember that I am a twin though. Dad always chooses the most beautiful cards and he can do the most gorgeous calligraphy. I have kept most of the cards my parents have sent me over the years. I stayed for a cup of tea and then it was time to go home and rest my throbbing feet.

Later that evening my children all gave me their cards and gifts, some Radley sunglasses, Clarins bronzer and a This Works Perfect cleavage and neck serum, all courtesy of my Amazon wishlist. I haven’t used the beauty gifts yet but I am very impressed with my new sunglasses, they are very light and look more expensive than they were. Apart from my new blisters it was a nice birthday spent with people I love.

Thank you for reading

Samantha