Month: March 2024

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This Week I Have Been….

On By samanthaIn GOING OUTLeave a comment

Reading – The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood

I found a battered old copy of The Handmaid’s Tale in my daughter’s bedroom and thought it was about time I revisited Canadian author Atwood’s tale of a dystopian, patriarchal future where laws are based on some twisted version of Christianity. Of course The Handmaid’s Tale has been adapted into a hugely successful Hulu TV series starring Elizabeth Moss as June, the Handmaid. Atwood is an adviser on the series and even appears in Season One during a particularly troubling scene (although, let’s be honest, there are endless troubling scenes). There is also a 1990 film adaptation starring Natasha Richardson. In 2019 Atwood published a long-awaited sequel called The Testaments which provides some answers to readers pondering the fate of Offred.

In Atwood’s book we don’t actually know the Handmaid’s real name, she is now known only as Offred. At the beginning of the story some characters are mentioned and fans of the book deducted that June was our heroine. The story is set in Gilead, formerly in North America where, due to nuclear accidents, AIDS and Syphilis, fertility is at an all time low. Handmaids are the only remaining women who have viable ovaries. These young women are forcibly taken away from their own lives and sent to be trained at the “Rachel and Leah Centre” under the watchful eye of the brutal sadist Aunt Lydia and her cohort of collaborators. The Handmaids are then situated with a high-ranking family, usually a Commander and his infertile wife and forced to partake in a mating ceremony. Any babies born to the Handmaids are given to the Wife and the Handmaid has to repeat the whole process with another couple. The Handmaids are renamed as property of their Commander, Offred is so named because her Commander is called Fred. The whole set up is based on an Old Testament story and, because there is biblical precedent, it is acceptable in Gilead.

Women in Gilead are ranked, there are the Wives who are married to high ranking officials, the Marthas who are now domestic staff, the Unwomen who are send to The Colonies to clean up radioactive waste, a task which is sure to kill them within a year or two and then there are the Econowives who live in poverty on the outskirts of the cities probably working in factories. Human rights are a thing of the past, especially for females. People can be executed for the most minor transgression and their bodies displayed on The Wall which formerly was part of Harvard University. The women all dress according to rank, Wives wear Blue, Handmaids, red etc. All former items of clothing have been burned along with books and magazines. Women are not permitted to read or write unless they are an Aunt.

Offred is chronicling her story, on cassette tapes rather than paper, in the hope that she may be reunited with her young daughter who was taken away when they were captured. She wants her to read the account in the future. She knows that her daughter is alive because the Commander’s cold-as-ice wife, Serena Joy, allows her to glimpse a blurry photo. Offred’s husband, Luke was shot during the capture and she doesn’t know if he is alive or dead. The hope that they will all be reunited is what keeps her going. The former, deceased resident of her tiny bedroom up in the eaves of the Commander’s house carved into the closet wall, Nolite te Bastardes Carboround, a latin phrase which roughly translates into don’t let the bastards grind you down, the illicit words gives Offred courage. The Offred of Attwood’s book is less spirited and fiesty than the Offred of the TV series but as we learn more about her own mother it males sense that she would adapt to life in Gilead and join the resistance. The Handmaid’s Tale is an absolute must-read in my opinion.

Watching – Deconstructing Karen on Amazon Prime Video

This is a very thought provoking documentary about racism in America. The setting is a dinner party where ten white women sit around a table and are immediately asked by the hosts, activists Regina Jackson and Saira Rao , whether they are racist. A few raise their hands to admit they are and one utters the phrase “I don’t see colour, we all bleed red”. The woman could not have said anything more incenditory. If you don’t see colour how do you know we all bleed red asks Jackson. You are erasing brown people says Rao. This evening is part of an initiative called RACE2DINNER by campaigners Jackson and Rao to spread awareness amongst liberal white women about the role they play in upholding racism and white supremacy in the USA. The idea is for women to host a dinner like this for friends, who pay around $250 to attend, then they all examine their own bigotry and ideas around race.

So what is a Karen? If it were my name I would be mightily hacked off by the modern appropriation of it, ditto Becky. A Karen is one of those white women who you may see loudly complaining about a junior member of staff at the supermarket. They typically try to get somebody with less privilege than themselves into trouble. There are multiple videos on YouTube of screaming Karens trying to get innocent black people into trouble, sometimes with the police. Something that has been happening for centuries, often with deadly consequences. Jackson cites multiple examples of innocent black men being lynched because of false claims of rape by the Karens of the time.

Deconstructing Karen is a very confrontational documentary. Rao and Jackson do a lot of finger jabbing and eye rolling. Personally I think their hostility may have made some of the women reluctant to engage in the conversation. Hardly any of the participants agreed to a follow up interview. Rao is understandably angry about the state of things in the US, even her young children have been threatened because of her campaigning. Some of the violent and vile messages she has received beggar belief. Jackson, the ancestor of slaves and seventy years old is clearly disappointed with how little progress towards ending racism has been made during her lifetime. At the end of the evening the guests are asked once again whether they are racist and every single one of them raises their hand .

Listened To – Simon Mayo’s Confessions podcast on Apple Itunes

Simon Mayo is now on Greatest Hits radio but, when he was on the BBC, he had a hugely popular segment on his show where listener’s would send in their “confessions” and Mayo would read them out. He and his co-presenters would then decide whether the listener was forgiven or not. Most of the stories are hilarious and very relatable. The show is back and you can now listen on the podcast of the same name. I thoroughly recommend it if you have a school run to do with a monosyllabic teenager, they are guaranteed to laugh along with you. My reading and watching subject matter this week was heavy-going so a little comic relief was very welcome.

Thanks for reading

Samantha

Cover Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

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Slightly Less Stuff!

On By samanthaIn FAMILYLeave a comment

In my previous post So Much Stuff! I was bracing myself for my annual March declutter. It is now nearing the end of the month and, even if I say so myself, I have been fairly successful. I have got rid of at least one hundred items and that is without even tackling my clothes. My usual method for attempting to declutter my clothes is 1) open wardrobe 2) stand in an overwhelmed trance wondering how I have accumulated so many similar garments 3) take one or two of the aforementioned garments out, say hmm to myself and them hang the garments back up 4) Close wardrobe door and go and sit down.

My daughter’s room has just been decorated and she spends most of her time at university so, when she came home for a week it was easy for her to see what she no longer needed. I donated, via FaceBook Marketplace, a pile of her hoodies, jeans, jogging bottoms and T shirts, all in good used condition. I listed them for free and three women messaged within minutes asking if they could have them. Obviously the items have to go to the first person who responds but I always message the others saying that, should I come across any other, similar items, I will let them know. My rule for giving things away like this is that the items must be clean and with no damage. I also insist that the person comes and collects it. Last year I spent an hour driving round trying to drop off a framed Dr Who poster. The woman who wanted it couldn’t even manage to give me her correct address and thought it was funny that she had sent me to the wrong road. Needless to say I was not laughing! If it is a more expensive item then I may list it for a small charge of £5 or £10 and then give my daughter the proceeds. It has become increasingly difficult to sell things in recent years although some of my friends swear by Vinted.

I shredded two recycling bags worth of old paperwork and also took three big bags of unwanted things to local charity shops. The challenge is to actually go to the shop and donate the stuff rather than driving around with it in the boot of your car for six month. These bags included a brand new wicker hamper that was taking up space in my cellar, It had been a gift containing Christmas food. The hamper was a strange shape and I kept thinking that I’d perhaps use it as an umbrella stand but, after three years, it was clear I was never going to get round to that and I only own one umbrella. I also donated about fifteen books, some clothes I had bought in a sale and never worn and was never going to wear, yet more hoodies, some decorative bowls, nine necklaces (all costume jewellery) and some new scented candles. I like scented candles but my husband and son are both asthmatic and they are not good for their lungs. I took some old shoes to the shoe recycling bins and two coats to the Salvation Army collection points. I dropped old reading glasses into the collection point at SpecSavers. I also went though my make up, some of which was about the same age as my youngest son who is seventeen, and threw about half of the items away.

So does my house now look clutter free? Don’t be silly! I have hardly made a dent. It is nice to know that most of the things will be reused and the woman who collected my daughter clothes was so grateful that I felt a little embarrassed. She said her daughter would be thrilled. Perhaps in April I will pluck up courage to tackle my own clothes. My friend Caroline suggested that she clear out my wardrobe and I do hers. Not sure I am ready to let someone else decide on what I should keep and it could be the end of a long friendship if one of us was insulted by the other’s judgement. It would be fun to have a rummage through somebody else’s things though!

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Cover Photo by Onur Bahçıvancılar on Unsplash

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This Week I Have Been….

On By samanthaIn GOING OUTLeave a comment

Reading – The House Keeper by Valerie Keogh

I “borrowed” this book from Amazon Prime Reading, I have no idea how this works and I see there is an option to return. I should do that, hopefully there is not going to be the librarian of my childhood with her ink stamp asking me for a fifty pence fine. The predictable Kindle hyperbole reads “The completely addictive, unputdownable psychological thriller”. Well I wouldn’t go that far. The story follows recently widowed Cassie Macreddin who has used her late husband’s life assurance payout to purchase an Hindon House, an old home in need of much TLC. Cassie wants to turn in into a B&B. Cassie hints very early one that she was somehow responsible for her late husband, Richie’s death.

Cassie moves into the pretty much derelict house when other, more sensible, people would probably have made alternative living arrangements while the most essential work was being done. Every little creak makes her jump and she seems very paranoid. She is suspicious of everybody, especially the estate agent who sold her the property, are they trying to drive away because they want the old wreck of a home for themselves? It does not make much sense, why wouldn’t they have just bought it themselves? The kitchen in particular gives Cassie the shivers as does a dark corridor of little rooms that look like cells.

Cassie is ridiculously clumsy and there is description after description of her various falls and injuries. She enlists the help of Daniel, a local builder and, predictably he is handsome and single. He can’t be a very good builder though because he and his team are able to start work immediately, no planning permission or architect needed apparently . When Cassie visits the local café the staff all whisper in a huddle when they learn that she is the buyer of Hindon House, what is it they know that she doesn’t? An elderly neighbor stops by with chocolate cake and Cassie tries to extract some information from her, unsuccessfully.

I was about thirty chapters into The House Keeper when I began to wonder if anything was ever going to happen, it is far too long and repetitive. Towards the end of the book the story picks up pace and moves to a vey far-fetched conclusion. The story would have been better with a lot of the padding removed because by the end I had totally lost interest.

Watching – Omeleto on YouTube

My daughter has been home from university and we have been watching the Omeleto YouTube channel which showcases short films. There are many different genres, horror, sci-fi, comedy, drama, animation etc. The films on the Omeleto celebrity channel feature well known actors such as Barry Keoghan, Maisie Williams and Guy Pierce. Some of the films are only a few minutes long and the overall quality of content is excellent. We watched The Disappearance of Willie Bingham on the Omeleto horror channel, which was far too gruesome for my taste and The IMom on the Sci-Fi channel. We also watched Curve, directed by Tim Egan, on another channel, Short of The Week , a conundrum of a film which I couldn’t stop thinking about.

Listened To – Redhanded – a Wondery podcast on Itunes

Redhanded is an award winning true crime podcast which usually covers a different high-profile crime each episode, occasionally the same case may be covered over two or three episodes. I believe it is the number one true crime podcast in the UK and has an international fanbase. It is presented by two young women who really know their stuff – Hannah MaGuire and Suruthgi Bala. They are both well travelled, funny and intelligent. One of the first episodes I listened to was about the very sad case of Otto Warmbier, the young American student who went on a trip to North Korea, was accused of treason and then returned to his parents after a year in a vegetative state. Sadly, Otto died shortly afterwards. The news coverage of this case upset me greatly at the time and I listened to the episode in the hope of gaining some clarity about what had happened. The show provided just that and Hannah had even visited the border of South and North Korea and had some fascinating insights. All of the disturbing content is sensitively presented with a touch of humour. The episodes on Casey Anthony and Natalia Grace are literally jaw dropping. I found the episodes featuring the Grenfell Tower fire and the murder of Sarah Everard rage inducing because both tragedies could have been so easily prevented if various government officials had only done their jobs properly. Redhanded is free to listen to but you can also sign up for their Patreon and access much more content.

Thanks for reading

Samantha

Cover Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

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M.A.C. Mineralize Skinfinish Powder & Wet ‘n’ Wild Colour Icon Lipliner

On By samanthaIn HEALTHLeave a comment

My daughter bought me this M.A.C. powder for Christmas after I dropped my brand new Clinique compact and had tried to salvage the contents by mixing the broken up powder with surgical spirit as per a YouTube tutorial . It worked perfectly but my face smelled of newly-pierced ears which wasn’t exactly pleasant. Sometimes you just have to admit defeat!

I don’t believe I have ever used a M.A.C. product before, I always find the sales assistants slightly intimidating and their beauty counters are always so busy that it is difficult to browse. I also perceive it to be a brand for younger women. They sell a variety of face powders offering different coverage and finishes. SkinFinish powder, currently £27.70, comes in a black plastic, domed compact which seems unnecessarily chunky and looks a bit cheap in my opinion. There is a very small mirror inside. Annoyingly there is no applicator at all. The powder is best applied with a brush but I did buy a couple of velour powder puff applicators from Boots for about £1.50 and I wonder why M.A.C. don’t include something like this.

I have to say that SkinFinish is the second best best pressed powder I have ever used, my all-time favourite being Lancome’s Dual Finish which appears to have been discontinued. The M.A.C. powder is very flattering on my skin. I have the shade Light. It isn’t at all chalky and just a tiny amount provides excellent, lasting coverage with a slightly dewy finish. I am seriously impressed. I would suggest, if you have skin that gets a little oily throughout the day, then another, more matte, powder in the range may be a better choice.

I purchased the Wet ‘n’ Wild lipliner purely because I needed to make a tiny purchase to qualify for free delivery on an Amazon Prime order This product was £1,75 and has turned out to be one of my favourite beauty purchases in years. The shade, Brandy Wine, is a tiny bit darker that my natural lip colour and I just fill in my entire lips with a very light layer and then go over the top with some lip balm, usually Burt’s Bees. The colour lasts for hours and looks very natural. The lipliner pencil is very long and I can’t imagine needing to replace it for years. A bargain!

Thanks for reading,

Samantha

Cover Photo by Rosa Rafael on Unsplash

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It’s All A Lot Of Oysters But No Pearls

On By samanthaIn FAMILYLeave a comment

The title of this post is taken from the song A Long December by Counting Crows and seems to sum this week up perfectly although, now I have started thinking about it, I realise there have been some nice moments.

I have been ridiculously busy at work, feeling overwhelmed and it seems that my email inbox is like the fairy tale The Magic Porridge Pot, it just constantly refills. For very email I deal with three more seem to pop in. I have come to dread the accompanying chime. My shoulders have been hurting because I have been tensely hunched over my desk, working at the speed of light, for seven hours at a time. I am not very good at taking breaks but I need to get up and stretch every now and again before I completely seize up.

I had a day off on Tuesday and was looking forward a a little rest but my husband had booked a man in to clean the carpets, he was due to arrive at 8am. Groan. Obviously the rooms had to be cleared of clutter (thank goodness for my March decluttering efforts, see my post So Much Stuff! ) All the windows had to be left wide open all day even though it was freezing. I messaged my friend to have a moan and she invited me over for a cup of tea. How lovely to have a friend who knows you are chilly and proffers a heated gilet as soon as you arrive.

My dad called me later, in pain with toothache. Having had the most awful, ongoing dental infection a couple of years ago I have great empathy for anyone suffering like this. My parents can no longer get to the NHS dentist and have started using the lovely but very expensive private dentist in our village. Fortunately she was able to fit Dad in for the following day and I arranged to spend the afternoon sitting with Mum. I had some numbing gel that helped while Dad waited to be seen. Poor Dad, he really looks after his teeth, flossing and using interdental brushes but has been beset with problems for years. The dentist extracted the tooth, the second in six months. It was at the back of his mouth so he doesn’t have a visible gap. Mum didn’t really want me at their house and kept telling me to go home which can be a little hurtful but I just have to remind myself that she doesn’t mean it. Or perhaps she does, I hope not.

I then received a letter from the NHS telling me I was being fined for not paying for my migraine mediation months and months ago. I have paid for my prescriptions my entire adult life but the pharmacist mistakenly put my migraine meds in with my HRT which I had pre-paid for. How I was supposed to know this is a mystery. My husband had collected the sealed paper bag and I didn’t open it for weeks. I tried explaining this to the NHS appeals team but it was like speaking to a brick wall and I paid the fine which was around £50.

My daughter came home from university for a week yesterday. It was lovely to see her although as soon as she was through the door she said her laptop isn’t working well. I am hoping that a replacement battery will do the trick. We have been spending the evenings watching a documentary on Netflix called HellCamp: Teen Nightmare. Parents spent $16,000 in 1989 to send their wayward teens off to hike in the Utah desert for months at a time or to be stuck aboard a boat for a year. Some children were used as slave labour . The most famous participant in one of these programmes was Paris Hilton. Thousands of American children still attend these camps despite the recent bad publicity. It is nice to snuggle up with my daughter and watch something together, usually while eating a giant bag of Chocolate Buttons.

So not the best week but, looking back, nothing majorly bad has happened. There are so many people in the world suffering terribly at the moment and my trivial problems are inconsequential in comparison. I have just been feeling tired, cold, headachy and a little frazzled. I have probably also been watching the news too much. The spring will soon be here and it will be nice to feel the sun for a change.

Thank you for reading

Samantha

Cover Photo by Dagmara Dombrovska on Unsplash

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The Dementia Diaries – Chapter Six Heart Attack – Part II

On By samanthaIn THE DEMENTIA DIARIESLeave a comment

My dad had his heart attack on a Sunday evening and, thank goodness, was recovering well in hospital. My parents had been happily married for over seventy years. By the Tuesday morning, not even forty-eight hours later, Mum appeared to have forgotten he had ever existed. It was absolutely staggering. She slept very late on Tuesday morning and came downstairs, not seeming in the least surprised to see her daughter in the house instead of her husband. She was in such a cheerful mood, chatting away about this and that. Then my brother popped in straight from the hospital. He sat in Dad’s chair. Mum kept looking at him with a puzzled, worried expression. Then she said “it’s a shame my son died isn’t it?”. Thank goodness my parents have never lost a child. I tried to explain that it was my brother sitting in Dad’s chair, that nobody had died and that Dad was still in hospital. She needed reminding she had a husband. My parents don’t have single framed photo of themselves in their house and I don’t know where the photo albums are kept so I couldn’t show her a picture. She kept looking suspiciously at my brother, studying his face, and I thought how frightening and disorienting it must feel to not grasp what is going on or to recognise your own children.

Mum then kept asking me if she and Dad had been happy. I don’t think it is an exaggeration to say they have had a wonderful marriage. The sort of relationship where both people really love and look after the other one. Since Dad retired they do everything together. Dad still buys Mum flowers every single week. I told Mum all of that and she seemed pleased. An hour later she kept asking “did I have a husband?” over and over though so none of this information had been retained. I took her back to my house for dinner with my family and then we returned to my parents’ house and settled down for bed. Mum looked heartbreakingly frail in her nightdress.

Wednesday, Mum woke up at the crack of dawn in a foul mood. I was trying to do the washing and cleaning but everything I did was wrong. I set Mum’s place at the breakfast table but it was in the wrong position and she made me move the placemat and cutlery even though it made no difference. Didn’t I know she had two cups of tea not one? She can be very forceful, far more so than pre-dementia. My colleague rang to check in on me and I got quite choked up. I almost never cry but, no matter how old you are, having your mother constantly criticise you is very hurtful and I had hardy slept for a couple of nights. Mum didn’t mention Dad at all that day until I rang the hospital and spoke to him and my brother. I put the phone on speaker and they had a little chat. Once it was clear that Dad was going to recover we made the decision that wouldn’t take Mum to see him at the hospital. We knew from experience that would get very confused and distressed when we reached the ward. This happened when we visited my uncle, she thought she was being left there by herself and became quite distraught.

On Thursday Dad came home. Mum was over the moon to see him. Absolutely over the moon. She kept kissing him and telling him how much she loves him and how much she had missed him. I didn’t tell Dad that she had forgotten his very existence for a couple of days. Dad looked very pale and tired but happy to be home. He is the sort of person not to make a big fuss over anything. He is taking part in a trial where elderly patients are treated with medication rather than having a heart bypass. In the year since his heart attack he has not once seen a cardiologist or had any follow up other than a chat on the phone with a nurse. He is very organised with his medication and seems to be doing well. For the first week or so I went over every evening and helped with preparing and cleaning up dinner and with the housework. Now I pop over and help with the housework twice a week, especially the washing because there is now so much of it, sadly. Dad still does almost everything though and his kindness and patience is extraordinary. I have never once heard him sound impatient or irritated with Mum. For now, we are all muddling along together.

Thank you for reading,

Samantha

Cover Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

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What’s In Your Bag?

On By samanthaIn SHOPPINGLeave a comment

I rarely look at YouTube but last week I was looking for videos demonstrating how to make an A Level study timetable for my youngest son – exciting I know.  On my home page was a video suggested entitled What’s In My Bag? Huh? People actually spend their free time watching women discuss the contents of their handbags?? How asinine, I thought. An hour later, having entered some sort of trance state, I had watched about five of the videos, mostly Korean or Japanese YouTubers, no speaking just soothing background music playing and clumsily translated subtitles along the lines of “let me introduce you to the contents of my elegant bag” and “this lipstick creates an elegant and stylish atmosphere around the mouth”. The contents are all almost identical, a Louis Vuitton key pouch, £240, seems to be almost compulsory, a Gucci or YSL card holder, Airpods, huge iPhone, and a flat, rectangular bottle of hand-sanitiser which they all spray in the air around their faces declaring that it smells wonderful. I can’t imagine it is very good for their lungs.

Video on Youtube by GrownVlog

So what’s in my bag? I have small Ralph Lauren bag that I sometimes use if I am going out of an evening but, usually, I prefer a hobo style because I like to carry around a lot of totally unnecessary things.  In fact, creature of habit that I am, I have been buying a variation on the same style of bag for the past fifteen years. My current version is from Whistles, the style is called Baye. Black pebbled leather, gold hardware and very simple. In the summer I have an oak coloured Mulberry Bayswater (bought in the sale fifteen years ago) which I plan to sell as it is too heavy and formal. I tend to buy good quality items and use them for a long time.

The contents of my bag are not very exciting I’m afraid. The beautiful young YouTubers are all about Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Givenchy, Chanel and Céline. I did have a Chanel wallet but I recently sold it as I felt embarrassed using it at the Tesco checkout. Fortunately the large Classic Flap style I owned was recently discontinued so it became a desirable collectors item and I was able to recoup my money. Now I have a small Kate Spade purse, bought for £50 in the sales. Also in my bag you will find my ancient and very scratched Harrods key ring, a reusable shopping bag, small notebook, pen, umbrella, numerous crumpled but unused tissues, a Burts Bees lip balm or three, a mirror, comb, perfume sample, gloves and, if I’m likely to be waiting around anywhere, my Kindle. I did have beautiful silver keyring from Tiffany, given to me by a colleague years ago when I left work to have my first child, but a builder borrowed my keys for an afternoon and then never returned them. He looked me right in the eye and said he’d never been in possession of them. I hope he got a good price selling it or that his wife enjoys using my lovely keyring. I really should treat myself and replace it.

There’s something comforting about having a few of your own possessions with you at all times. In Margaret Atwood’s sequel to The Handmaid’s Tale, The Testaments when the women were rounded up their bags were confiscated and Atwood refers to the fact that they missed their little packets of tissues. Sadly, that was to be the least of their problems.

Now that I have wasted an hour watching this rather hypotonic content I should get back to researching A Level revision timetables!

Thank you for reading,

Samantha 

Cover Photo by Marissa Grootes on Unsplash